Thursday, December 18, 2003
CENOZOIC PARK:
They were the most terrible monsters ever known. Long extinct, they were brought back to life by an entrepreneur's short-sightedness. Foolish "environmentalists" want to preserve and study them, but they are too dangerous. If we don't preemptively exterminate them, it may be too late. They are evil, and they are hungry, and they will imminently have weapons of mass destruction and conquer and eat us all. They're called DEMOSAURS.
I was there when they broke free. I was one of several invited to visit a new theme park, still under construction, where recreated versions of these creatures would be the star attraction. It was set on the planet Earth, where these horrors had once lived and briefly ruled over another extinct race, the "human beings".
Those humans were part of the deadly EmEsEn Collective, which tried to conquer the galaxy and absorb all other intelligent life. They implanted radio-linked computer chips into their victims' brains which controlled them and made them "cybernetic organisms". The civilized worlds of the Federation of United Sentients were only able to destroy them because of a flaw in their operating system, which caused them to freeze and stare out windows several times each day to "reboot". This pause allowed us to inject them with a strain of deadly virus, imported from and named after another nearby galaxy, which completely wiped them out.
Landing on the planet, we were taken to a tropical island and the lab of the scientist who built the park, Doctor Stevie Hatfull. We should have been worried by what we overheard while waiting to meet him. A voice we later learned was that of Charlton, the park's chief hunter, was warning the doctor to "terminate the raptor program", saying they were "just too damn smart". Then we heard the doctor asking his assistant just what genes he had spliced into the brains of the raptors. Before the door closed we heard that underling say they were from "Abby somebody".
In the waiting room was a gigantic reptile skeleton, standing on its hind legs with front claws in a fighting stance and showing huge teeth. As we gaped at this, Dr. Hatfull came in and told us this was a DEANRANOSAURUS REX. It was the last of the Demosaurs to rule over the humans. It seemed to have the spider-like ability to make huge webs to trap humans and suck away all they had. Later it was sliced to ribbons by a particularly vicious variety of raptors, and the world was then taken over by humans. He said that old enmity seems lasting, because when that same breed of raptors was made here at the park, they did the same thing and ganged up to kill this one. The chief hunter rescued the bones and mounted them here as a memorial.
The doctor told us the park was called "Cenozoic" because that was the geological period when the Demosaurs ruled this planet. The park was located on this island, which seems to have been called "Guantanamo", because this is where the last of these monsters had been caged before finally being killed. All of this involved a lot of guesswork. Since all of the EmEsEn's knowledge was stored only in its distributed computer network, when the humans and other races it had absorbed were wiped out, their history was gone.
Archaeologists did find one ancient computer from before the EmEsEn took over the planet and banned non-implanted devices. It belonged to someone called "ihatealldems". Although its memory was damaged, they recovered fragments of copies from something called "comments" sections, used to communicate on a pre-absorption network called the "web". Unfortunately, the few sections found didn't deal directly with biology. One covered a small sport called "footballs", apparently played on natural grass, since they are referred to as green. Another section may have been for dog fanciers, since it often mentions a rottweiler. Dr. Hatfull admitted this was such a small sampling that it might not be representative, but it was all he had to go on. Based on what was written about the monsters there, he tried to build a picture of what the Demosaurs must have been like.
This horrible species lived at the same time as the humans, whom they domesticated both for food and to cruelly exploit as menial labor. They indoctrinated human children in concentration camps called "public schools", brainwashing them to become obedient slaves and turn over all they produced to the Demosaurs. Those with independent streaks were weeded out by clever propaganda that encouraged them to become homosexual, so that they wouldn't reproduce, and rebelliousness would be bred out of the humans. The monsters ruthlessly banned prayer as a threat to total loyalty to the Demosaurs, and of course constantly searched human burrows to confiscate any weapons the serfs might use to revolt.
We asked why the Demosaurs become extinct, if they were so powerful. He said there were two reasons. First, the humans had great leaders, though they won only on their fourth attempt at rebellion. Each try was led by a different member of the same Gate family. The three failed efforts were sparked by Water (with the "recorder", apparently a weapon using sound), Iran (using the very bloodily named "shredder"), and Monica (who used biological warfare with some form of tightly coiled plant leaves). Finally their brother Bill overthrew the monsters with his implanted chips, which allowed humans to march together in militaristic lockstep against their rulers. The tyrants had become decadent and disorganized after having easily had their way for so long, relying only on some enforcer called "Media", which Bill's EmEsEn was able to bypass.
Second, there seems to have been a biological flaw in the Demosaurs themselves. Many of them were weakened by loss of blood from their overexpanded, leaking hearts. This made them tend to faint away when confronted with loud noises. Bill used this fear against them by attacking them with a breed of trained barking canines, called the faux. These shifted the balance of power and made the monsters themselves the fare. Bill became the First Proprietor and the humans ate the Demosaurs. The doctor fixed this flaw in his recreations by including genes from strong Vulcan hearts.
Unfortunately, no pictures or skeletons of these creatures were ever preserved. Dr. Hatfull had to try and guess at their makeup based on their actions, as denounced by the brave human rebels in those "comments". He assumed that such bloodthirsty monsters must have been reptilian, and so called them "saurians" and used large lizards as his main genetic base. He did have to mix in more intelligence from some other species, chiefly from the Klingons, who seemed to have the necessary ruthless aggressiveness.
He urged us to tour the island and see for ourselves his genetic reconstructions, carefully avoiding the electrified fences. He did admit to one early flawed model which had to be destroyed, the totally scaleless BRYNNERSAUR, because of its juggernaut determination once it had fixed on a target, but he assured us that now nothing could possibly go wrong.
Charlton the hunter took us out for a tour, along with the doctor's two grandchildren, who had heard about the monsters and were excited to see for themselves. The first creature we saw was the tank-sized DUKAKISAURUS. It was easy to avoid, because it shook the ground when it moved and was completely inflexible in its course. Charlton said this flaw went so far that it even failed to defend its own mate when attacked. It calmly ignored us as it rumbled by.
We passed a herd of ostrich-shouldered DENNISKUMINIMUS. These vegetarians were so short they had to stand on their hind legs to reach for tall leaves. They also had the unusual trait of choosing their mates by voting. On the other side of a ditch we saw two BARNOPHRANKSAURUS watching us. They were as tall as humans and had big gills hanging around their necks. Charlton told us they were carnivores, but were too weak to defeat others in battle, so they had developed an ability to spit venom. The poison attacked the ears and deafened humans, then killed them.
Next we came to a creature which was lying helplessly. We learned that was its chronic state. This was a CLENISAURUS ECPLECTICOS. Its species name was taken from a tiny crustacean which also had an unusually long penis. While that was not a problem to a sea creature, the Clenisaurus kept tripping over its own genitals. The hunter said they had included some crocodile genes in this creature, which gave it enlarged tear ducts. It also had empathic powers. It could detect and emulate the emotions of the other creatures around it. Now it was in agony because of the pain of another animal nearby.
Charlton led us to that one, which we found in great distress. The hunter said this three-horned TRILATERALCARTERATOPS HORRIDUS was fed on several hundred pounds of legumes each day, mostly Arachis hypogea, but it would eat anything. He once found it devouring an entire abandoned automobile. The doctor's grandson Timmy, with a boyish interest in antique machinery, asked what kind of car. Charlton said he couldn't remember for sure; he thought it wasn't a Lincoln, but something else from the same manufacturer.
Recently the creature was suffering from a malaise and a lack of energy, after it had tried to eat some Teflon which it hadn't been able to stomach. The monster had been put out to pasture to recover, and now spent its time obsessively building more nests. One of the grandchildren, Luthora, actually went riding on the back of the Trilateralcarteratops' baby. She was talking to it and it was grunting back. I could have sworn they were discussing nuclear proliferation, but I assumed I had imagined it.
The largest of any of the creatures we saw was a huge gold colored GEORGESOROSAUR. It liked to literally throw its massive weight around, rolling over to crush any human rebels against Demosaur rule. After we passed it a herd of chicken sized things ran across the road ahead of us, screeching loudly. Charlton said these were Sharpys, or PROSHARPTOGNATHIDS, tiny scavengers eating the leavings of the larger monsters, and most notable for making irritating noises. We stopped to look at a large colorful MUFTISAUR, which the hunter told us they called "The Dread Westley". It had the most rigid posture we saw in the park, and a series of star-shaped markings on its back.
We were just outside the fenced compound of the D. Rex, as the hunter called the Deanranosaur, when it started raining and our carts came to a sudden halt. Charlton said they were run on electricity from a cable buried in the ground, and we should just wait until the automatic emergency generators started. As we sat there we finally saw a D. Rex. It walked slowly up to the huge electrified fence and sniffed it. Then it kicked up some leaves to hit the fence. Nothing happened. Next it touched the fence, quickly drawing back its arm. Just as we realized that the power must be off for the fence as well, the monster leaped against it and pulled it down, posts and all.
As we sat there terrified, holding still because the hunter said the D. Rex pursued movement, we watched it turn over the other cart and begin sniffing around it. We thought the people in that cart were sure to be eaten, but the monster suddenly raised its head and looked around. Circling about it were several much smaller creatures with long mouths full of sharp teeth. Charlton actually turned pale.
Timmy said the Deanranosaur could easily defeat those smaller guys. The hunter said those weren't guys, they were all females, and they were the most dangerous species in the park, the HILLARAPTOR FEMINAZIUS. Like some worms and insects, they practice parthenogenesis -- reproduction without males. The D. Rex might be bigger and stronger, but they were meaner and much smarter. They were the same breed which had killed the last D. Rex before the humans took over. Almost as soon as they were caged here they had tunnelled under the fence to break free and kill the one whose skeleton stood in the waiting room now. The whole fence had to be rebuilt much deeper to keep them in.
Soon all the monsters were engaged in a bloody battle with each other, and we took advantage of their distraction to get out and flee into the rain. Judging from the sounds behind us, there was a lot of eating going on. We didn't turn to watch. As we passed by the Hillaraptor's pen we saw how they had gotten out. They simply killed enough of their own to pile up the corpses high enough to climb up on the mound and jump over the fence. Charlton wondered as we ran if that meant they had gotten out before the electricity went off. When we got to the waiting room we soon found that they had.
The doors had been smashed, partly devoured corpses were strewn about, and there were plenty of what the hunter recognized as bloody Hillaraptor tracks on the floor. Stepping into the control room, we found the power had been shut off here. Bloody claw marks showed that the killers had cleverly disabled the security by prying a letter off the keypad for the master switch, then thrown it.
I won't bother with the melodramatic details of how we managed to get the power back on and the computers working so the fences were charged again and we could call for help. The Hillaraptors must have won their fight with the D. Rex, because five of them attacked us. They killed three more of us, including Charlton, but not before he shot one. We electrocuted one more, poisoned one (don't ask), and locked one in a freezer.
The last Hillaraptor had the two grandchildren cornered in the waiting room when it was crushed by the falling skull of the D. Rex skeleton. Later, so that they wouldn't be spooked, we assured both children that one of us had climbed up and levered the skull loose so it would fall and save them. But I was there. No one touched it at all. The skull suddenly broke free on its own. I think it was just one last bit of revenge by the dead Deanranosaur for years of savage abuse.
We fled from there by helicopter, and we were lucky to escape. The Hillaraptors are not all dead, and they reproduce at a rapid rate. Demosaurs ruled the humans once. They are smart enough to turn our own weapons against us, and now Hatfull's meddling has eliminated their only flaw. They are an even greater threat to the peace of the galaxy than the humans were. The Federation has banned travel to the island, but scientists are begging for the chance to visit. What we should do is use thermonuclear bombs and destroy the place. Our very future is at stake.
They were the most terrible monsters ever known. Long extinct, they were brought back to life by an entrepreneur's short-sightedness. Foolish "environmentalists" want to preserve and study them, but they are too dangerous. If we don't preemptively exterminate them, it may be too late. They are evil, and they are hungry, and they will imminently have weapons of mass destruction and conquer and eat us all. They're called DEMOSAURS.
I was there when they broke free. I was one of several invited to visit a new theme park, still under construction, where recreated versions of these creatures would be the star attraction. It was set on the planet Earth, where these horrors had once lived and briefly ruled over another extinct race, the "human beings".
Those humans were part of the deadly EmEsEn Collective, which tried to conquer the galaxy and absorb all other intelligent life. They implanted radio-linked computer chips into their victims' brains which controlled them and made them "cybernetic organisms". The civilized worlds of the Federation of United Sentients were only able to destroy them because of a flaw in their operating system, which caused them to freeze and stare out windows several times each day to "reboot". This pause allowed us to inject them with a strain of deadly virus, imported from and named after another nearby galaxy, which completely wiped them out.
Landing on the planet, we were taken to a tropical island and the lab of the scientist who built the park, Doctor Stevie Hatfull. We should have been worried by what we overheard while waiting to meet him. A voice we later learned was that of Charlton, the park's chief hunter, was warning the doctor to "terminate the raptor program", saying they were "just too damn smart". Then we heard the doctor asking his assistant just what genes he had spliced into the brains of the raptors. Before the door closed we heard that underling say they were from "Abby somebody".
In the waiting room was a gigantic reptile skeleton, standing on its hind legs with front claws in a fighting stance and showing huge teeth. As we gaped at this, Dr. Hatfull came in and told us this was a DEANRANOSAURUS REX. It was the last of the Demosaurs to rule over the humans. It seemed to have the spider-like ability to make huge webs to trap humans and suck away all they had. Later it was sliced to ribbons by a particularly vicious variety of raptors, and the world was then taken over by humans. He said that old enmity seems lasting, because when that same breed of raptors was made here at the park, they did the same thing and ganged up to kill this one. The chief hunter rescued the bones and mounted them here as a memorial.
The doctor told us the park was called "Cenozoic" because that was the geological period when the Demosaurs ruled this planet. The park was located on this island, which seems to have been called "Guantanamo", because this is where the last of these monsters had been caged before finally being killed. All of this involved a lot of guesswork. Since all of the EmEsEn's knowledge was stored only in its distributed computer network, when the humans and other races it had absorbed were wiped out, their history was gone.
Archaeologists did find one ancient computer from before the EmEsEn took over the planet and banned non-implanted devices. It belonged to someone called "ihatealldems". Although its memory was damaged, they recovered fragments of copies from something called "comments" sections, used to communicate on a pre-absorption network called the "web". Unfortunately, the few sections found didn't deal directly with biology. One covered a small sport called "footballs", apparently played on natural grass, since they are referred to as green. Another section may have been for dog fanciers, since it often mentions a rottweiler. Dr. Hatfull admitted this was such a small sampling that it might not be representative, but it was all he had to go on. Based on what was written about the monsters there, he tried to build a picture of what the Demosaurs must have been like.
This horrible species lived at the same time as the humans, whom they domesticated both for food and to cruelly exploit as menial labor. They indoctrinated human children in concentration camps called "public schools", brainwashing them to become obedient slaves and turn over all they produced to the Demosaurs. Those with independent streaks were weeded out by clever propaganda that encouraged them to become homosexual, so that they wouldn't reproduce, and rebelliousness would be bred out of the humans. The monsters ruthlessly banned prayer as a threat to total loyalty to the Demosaurs, and of course constantly searched human burrows to confiscate any weapons the serfs might use to revolt.
We asked why the Demosaurs become extinct, if they were so powerful. He said there were two reasons. First, the humans had great leaders, though they won only on their fourth attempt at rebellion. Each try was led by a different member of the same Gate family. The three failed efforts were sparked by Water (with the "recorder", apparently a weapon using sound), Iran (using the very bloodily named "shredder"), and Monica (who used biological warfare with some form of tightly coiled plant leaves). Finally their brother Bill overthrew the monsters with his implanted chips, which allowed humans to march together in militaristic lockstep against their rulers. The tyrants had become decadent and disorganized after having easily had their way for so long, relying only on some enforcer called "Media", which Bill's EmEsEn was able to bypass.
Second, there seems to have been a biological flaw in the Demosaurs themselves. Many of them were weakened by loss of blood from their overexpanded, leaking hearts. This made them tend to faint away when confronted with loud noises. Bill used this fear against them by attacking them with a breed of trained barking canines, called the faux. These shifted the balance of power and made the monsters themselves the fare. Bill became the First Proprietor and the humans ate the Demosaurs. The doctor fixed this flaw in his recreations by including genes from strong Vulcan hearts.
Unfortunately, no pictures or skeletons of these creatures were ever preserved. Dr. Hatfull had to try and guess at their makeup based on their actions, as denounced by the brave human rebels in those "comments". He assumed that such bloodthirsty monsters must have been reptilian, and so called them "saurians" and used large lizards as his main genetic base. He did have to mix in more intelligence from some other species, chiefly from the Klingons, who seemed to have the necessary ruthless aggressiveness.
He urged us to tour the island and see for ourselves his genetic reconstructions, carefully avoiding the electrified fences. He did admit to one early flawed model which had to be destroyed, the totally scaleless BRYNNERSAUR, because of its juggernaut determination once it had fixed on a target, but he assured us that now nothing could possibly go wrong.
Charlton the hunter took us out for a tour, along with the doctor's two grandchildren, who had heard about the monsters and were excited to see for themselves. The first creature we saw was the tank-sized DUKAKISAURUS. It was easy to avoid, because it shook the ground when it moved and was completely inflexible in its course. Charlton said this flaw went so far that it even failed to defend its own mate when attacked. It calmly ignored us as it rumbled by.
We passed a herd of ostrich-shouldered DENNISKUMINIMUS. These vegetarians were so short they had to stand on their hind legs to reach for tall leaves. They also had the unusual trait of choosing their mates by voting. On the other side of a ditch we saw two BARNOPHRANKSAURUS watching us. They were as tall as humans and had big gills hanging around their necks. Charlton told us they were carnivores, but were too weak to defeat others in battle, so they had developed an ability to spit venom. The poison attacked the ears and deafened humans, then killed them.
Next we came to a creature which was lying helplessly. We learned that was its chronic state. This was a CLENISAURUS ECPLECTICOS. Its species name was taken from a tiny crustacean which also had an unusually long penis. While that was not a problem to a sea creature, the Clenisaurus kept tripping over its own genitals. The hunter said they had included some crocodile genes in this creature, which gave it enlarged tear ducts. It also had empathic powers. It could detect and emulate the emotions of the other creatures around it. Now it was in agony because of the pain of another animal nearby.
Charlton led us to that one, which we found in great distress. The hunter said this three-horned TRILATERALCARTERATOPS HORRIDUS was fed on several hundred pounds of legumes each day, mostly Arachis hypogea, but it would eat anything. He once found it devouring an entire abandoned automobile. The doctor's grandson Timmy, with a boyish interest in antique machinery, asked what kind of car. Charlton said he couldn't remember for sure; he thought it wasn't a Lincoln, but something else from the same manufacturer.
Recently the creature was suffering from a malaise and a lack of energy, after it had tried to eat some Teflon which it hadn't been able to stomach. The monster had been put out to pasture to recover, and now spent its time obsessively building more nests. One of the grandchildren, Luthora, actually went riding on the back of the Trilateralcarteratops' baby. She was talking to it and it was grunting back. I could have sworn they were discussing nuclear proliferation, but I assumed I had imagined it.
The largest of any of the creatures we saw was a huge gold colored GEORGESOROSAUR. It liked to literally throw its massive weight around, rolling over to crush any human rebels against Demosaur rule. After we passed it a herd of chicken sized things ran across the road ahead of us, screeching loudly. Charlton said these were Sharpys, or PROSHARPTOGNATHIDS, tiny scavengers eating the leavings of the larger monsters, and most notable for making irritating noises. We stopped to look at a large colorful MUFTISAUR, which the hunter told us they called "The Dread Westley". It had the most rigid posture we saw in the park, and a series of star-shaped markings on its back.
We were just outside the fenced compound of the D. Rex, as the hunter called the Deanranosaur, when it started raining and our carts came to a sudden halt. Charlton said they were run on electricity from a cable buried in the ground, and we should just wait until the automatic emergency generators started. As we sat there we finally saw a D. Rex. It walked slowly up to the huge electrified fence and sniffed it. Then it kicked up some leaves to hit the fence. Nothing happened. Next it touched the fence, quickly drawing back its arm. Just as we realized that the power must be off for the fence as well, the monster leaped against it and pulled it down, posts and all.
As we sat there terrified, holding still because the hunter said the D. Rex pursued movement, we watched it turn over the other cart and begin sniffing around it. We thought the people in that cart were sure to be eaten, but the monster suddenly raised its head and looked around. Circling about it were several much smaller creatures with long mouths full of sharp teeth. Charlton actually turned pale.
Timmy said the Deanranosaur could easily defeat those smaller guys. The hunter said those weren't guys, they were all females, and they were the most dangerous species in the park, the HILLARAPTOR FEMINAZIUS. Like some worms and insects, they practice parthenogenesis -- reproduction without males. The D. Rex might be bigger and stronger, but they were meaner and much smarter. They were the same breed which had killed the last D. Rex before the humans took over. Almost as soon as they were caged here they had tunnelled under the fence to break free and kill the one whose skeleton stood in the waiting room now. The whole fence had to be rebuilt much deeper to keep them in.
Soon all the monsters were engaged in a bloody battle with each other, and we took advantage of their distraction to get out and flee into the rain. Judging from the sounds behind us, there was a lot of eating going on. We didn't turn to watch. As we passed by the Hillaraptor's pen we saw how they had gotten out. They simply killed enough of their own to pile up the corpses high enough to climb up on the mound and jump over the fence. Charlton wondered as we ran if that meant they had gotten out before the electricity went off. When we got to the waiting room we soon found that they had.
The doors had been smashed, partly devoured corpses were strewn about, and there were plenty of what the hunter recognized as bloody Hillaraptor tracks on the floor. Stepping into the control room, we found the power had been shut off here. Bloody claw marks showed that the killers had cleverly disabled the security by prying a letter off the keypad for the master switch, then thrown it.
I won't bother with the melodramatic details of how we managed to get the power back on and the computers working so the fences were charged again and we could call for help. The Hillaraptors must have won their fight with the D. Rex, because five of them attacked us. They killed three more of us, including Charlton, but not before he shot one. We electrocuted one more, poisoned one (don't ask), and locked one in a freezer.
The last Hillaraptor had the two grandchildren cornered in the waiting room when it was crushed by the falling skull of the D. Rex skeleton. Later, so that they wouldn't be spooked, we assured both children that one of us had climbed up and levered the skull loose so it would fall and save them. But I was there. No one touched it at all. The skull suddenly broke free on its own. I think it was just one last bit of revenge by the dead Deanranosaur for years of savage abuse.
We fled from there by helicopter, and we were lucky to escape. The Hillaraptors are not all dead, and they reproduce at a rapid rate. Demosaurs ruled the humans once. They are smart enough to turn our own weapons against us, and now Hatfull's meddling has eliminated their only flaw. They are an even greater threat to the peace of the galaxy than the humans were. The Federation has banned travel to the island, but scientists are begging for the chance to visit. What we should do is use thermonuclear bombs and destroy the place. Our very future is at stake.
