Saturday, January 24, 2004

You have to be on guard all the time about loony leftists mocking their betters. Turquoise Waffle Irons in the Back Yard, a member of that vile radical conspiracy the "League of Liberals", is pointing their deluded readers to an uncompassionate list of suggestions for ways Howard Dean can demonstrate that he really is capable of Presidential leadership, found at August J. Pollak's Helpful hints for Howard Dean. As you might expect, it's really an excuse to make snide cheap shots at our Noble Leader in the White House now, with items like "Dress up in a crotch-accentuating flight suit and land a jet on an aircraft carrier." (Does this remind anyone else of penis envy?)

I can't sit back and let one of these points escape unscathed. Pollak includes "Trade away Sammy Sosa." This is so wrong on two counts. First, the lefties delight in claiming Bush's ownership of the Texas Rangers baseball team was really only a phony front, set up by wealthy friends of his father to make our Leader rich and make him famous so he could run for Governor. If that's true, then he can't be blamed for a bad management decision. You radicals can't have it both ways!!

Second, if he really was calling the shots, then trading away Sosa should be seen as one of the most long range far thinking steps he's ever taken to Clean Up Our Nation's Locker Rooms (TM). As he said in the recent State of Union address, performance enhancing drugs are one of the greatest blights on America. The terrorists can't serve as bad role models for our youth -- only star athletes can do that. Just look at those musclebound homer swatters like Smashing Sammy. Do you believe for a second that is all just from scarfing down several prime ribs a day?

No, George even then knew he would prefer to lose playing clean instead of encouraging one more minority to be a victim of the hedonistic drug culture, so he punished the player by exiling him to a team where he would never, ever, have a chance to be in a World Series. Take that, you epicurean applause seeker!! George did this even though he knew it would hurt the chances of his own team to make a future series. And he was right -- they've never come close since. Greater love hath few men than a team owner who will throw his chances in the trash just to make a point for puritanism. Our Leader should be applauded, not condemned. Silly liberals just don't get the point.

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