Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Why the surprises in the Iowa caucuses? Why did the liberal media's anointed darling Howard Dean come crashing to a third place loss? The simple answer is that Democrats there are (1) illiterate, (2) wimpy, (3) doddering, (4) sore losers, and (5) pig farmers.

(5) Iowans grow lots of hogs. Kucinich never got off the ground because any vegetarian is automatically suspected of trying to put the pig farmers out of work, so Shorty was never in contention there. His stunning rejection won't bother him, since the urban public power promoter is really only running to publicize his search for a power groupie mate. The profligate liaisons of JFK, imitation of which nearly did in the Clenis, still tempt promiscuous leftys.

(4) Democrats have never gotten over Gore's failure to steal the election in Florida. These sore losers are still insanely angry over that at Al's intended victim, George Bush, because he's the one that got away. They also rage at him because of his brother Jeb's Preemptive Election Fraud Prevention Program (TM), which purged voter rolls of any possible felon under the theory that "it is better to deny fifty thousand innocent people the right to vote, just to make sure that five hundred guilty ones don't illegally cast a ballot for traitors like the Clenis's vice man".

Dean skyrocketed to the top last year because, out of all the candidates, he expressed the most anger at Bush. He collapsed within the last two weeks because of the heavy media attention just before the caucus. Suddenly the voters saw just how much Dean and Bush were alike as people -- both born in the northeast to wealthy Wall Street families, both Yale educated, both carpetbagging migrants to more rural states with more easily manipulated voters, both reformed drinkers who became teetotalers, both Governors of their states, both better at expressing anger (at liberals by Bush, or at Bush by Dean) than at being positive, both with brothers involved in mysterious activities which brought them crashing down.

Unfortunately for Dean, the Iowans, ignorantly unaware of the Wall Street parallel with Bush's grandfather, were reminded of it just before the vote by publication of a new book, Kevin Phillips's American Dynasty: Aristocracy, Fortune, and the Politics of Deceit in the House of Bush. (This book pushed the usual liberal spin about how the founding Bush's bank was seized by the U.S. government during World War II for trading with Nazi Germany. The truth, of course, is that it was confiscated by that sneaky socialist FDR as part of his ongoing anti-business crusade.) The timing was terrible for the would-be Robespierre from Vermont. Not wanting to vote for anyone so much like the hated Bush, the pig farmers looked to other contenders.

(3) Iowa has a large number of older voters. Dean himself said this week that the biggest export of both Iowa and Vermont was young people. (He also spoke unfavorably of the only Presidents from those two states, Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover. Actually those two gave America a still unappreciated gift -- a huge reduction in wage costs and a buyer's market for cheap labor. Democratic demagogues, not seeing the great opportunity this presented for factory owners, denounced this as a so-called "depression", and proceeded to artificially prop up wage rates with dangerous laws forcing owners to negotiate with evil Labor Unions. Fortunately Reagan and the two Bushes have so packed the NLRB with management advocates that those laws are largely dead letters now. But I digress.)

This doddering electorate, bordering on senility (or they wouldn't be liberals), caring only about cashing as many government checks as possible, was ripe for the heavy attacks on Dean by Gephardt for his old criticism of Medicare. Those ads, typically (for a Democrat) misrepresenting the doctor's actual position, helped drag him down. Unfortunately, they failed to help the man from Missouri because of the next factor.

(2) Democrats are wimps who always prefer to run from a fight, as they showed over Vietnam and Iraq. Even though Dean was anti-war, he was forcefully anti-war. He looked suspiciously like he might stand up and fight back. This bulldog truculence scared off the pacifists. After all, what if Saddam were set free by those appeasing international courts and once again attacked the rebuilt World Trade center like he did on September 11? Someone like Dean might actually go to war again instead of turning the other cheek. Better not take the chance on him, or on a scrapper like Gephardt either. Better to find someone who doesn't attack other Democrats, thus showing they are really a spineless pacifist at heart when it really matters. Why not that new guy who refused to run negative ads, John Edwards? On caucus day the Iowans awoke to find the truth about Edwards in a Boondocks strip which revealed that, if the Democratic candidates were the characters in the old Justice League comic book, then John Edwards was Wonder Woman. That was all the wimpy Democratic voters needed to hear, and the man from Carolina bolted to second place. But why not first?

(1) Over and over conservatives keep warning how the Democrats try to appeal to the ignorant unwashed masses who have no idea what economic nonsense their candidates spout. (To paraphrase Emerson, a foolish balanced budget is the hobgoblin of small minds.) Many of those illiterate voters, victims of our failed "public" schools which Bush is thankfully defunding as quickly as possible, can just barely mark an "X" in order to vote. They suffer from liberal propaganda passing as history, including the myth that JFK, that adulterous tyrant who had his agents wake up steel company presidents in the middle of the night when they raised prices (yes, our memory is long), was a great President. Hardly even conscious of who holds office, they only noticed that one candidate was a rich white male liberal U.S. Senator from Massachusetts with a French-speaking wife and named John K-something. That was close enough for them. Isn't he the one our teachers told us is such a wonderful leader, they thought, and signed in for John Kerry.

Let me say that I knew John Kennedy (or at least I saw him on TV). John Kennedy, despite being a liberal traitor to his class, was a hero of mine (for giving us a great war in Vietnam and a huge corporate subsidy with the space program, which Bush is now trying to imitate). If I'd been past the age of puberty and anywhere near him, I'm sure I would have been bedded by John Kennedy, like everyone else in his sight. And Senator Kerry is no John Kennedy. The Democrats have made their bed with illiterates, and now they will have to lie in it with (as well as to) them. Karma does come back in politics.

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