Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Our Noble Leader in the White House will now support an amendment to ban gay marriages, according to a report on the vile Liberal Coalition web site by Charles2 of The Fulcrum. Good conservatives should not be cheering at this as an end to the threatened Dutchification of America. It really just means that Karl Rove has lost his nerve.

Yes, Bush's support for this means Karl has finally gotten over his bleeding-heart obsession with not offending the "soccer mom" vote by appearing "intolerant". That was always an example of short-sightedness on his part anyway. Soccer is clearly a plot by foreigners to subvert basic American sports values. "And now abideth baseball, basketball, football, these three; but the greatest of these is baseball." (NASCAR is a profession, not a sport.) But I digress....

I blame John Heinz-Kerry for this. The alleged "war hero" status of the Ketchup Consort (TM) has spooked 'ol Karl. Rove figures battle wounds trump flight suits with the independents, so he's decided to write those voters off. His new strategy is to win by throwing all the raw meat he can to the theocratic wolves, getting the "base" votes to turn out in unprecedented swarms.

The Rovinator has given up too easily. I'm still trying to dig up a witness who will swear either 1) that Heinz-Kerry got shot only when he dropped his own rifle and it went off three times, or 2) that Heinz-Kerry never really served in Vietnam at all, but imitated the method of his Senate colleague from Massachusetts for passing a French exam at Harvard, and paid a substitute to go in his place.

No sacrifice is too great to procure such evidence. Following the precedent of Marie Antoinette in Start The Revolution Without Me, I would even be willing to offer up my own fair young svelte form in the cause, by personally rewarding the hero who will testify to one of these tales.

I fully expect the prospect of such a tempting prize will cause many veterans to carefully search their memories to see if they can't recall the needed information. Repeated treatments with such "recovered memory therapy" may be needed to get all the details. The scandalous results won't be released until after the foolish Democrats walk into our trap by nominating this sitting duck in his home town this summer, but Heinz-Kerry is already a political dead man walking.

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