Monday, May 17, 2004

The media are all in a dither about those vile claims of higher-ups authorizing torture by Seymour Hersh in the New Yorker. Already Our Noble Leader's many MINIONS are denouncing these, and properly so. The very idea that anyone in this cabinet would actually authorize any form of masturbation is absurd. That's why we nearly lynched The Clenis's Surgeon General.

This isn't the first time that Hersh has raked muck to embarrass the only President we've got. He also let the cat o'nine tails out of the bag about the 504 civilians slaughtered at MY LAI. It's just more evidence that this country needs a British-style Official Secrets Act, so that such leaks won't reduce the pressure in the fire hoses we need to wash clean the Iraqi soil of Saddam's torture chambers. But he's not the only one who can do "investigative reporting", so here's my small contribution.

Hersh says in this week's "The Gray Zone":
...the Pentagon's operation, known inside the intelligence community by several code words, including Copper Green, encouraged physical coercion and sexual humiliation of Iraqi prisoners in an effort to generate more intelligence about the growing insurgency in Iraq.
Rummy's Division of Cognomeny was criticized for their lack of creativity over Gulf Preemption II, after an outsider, that infamous leftist snarker TBogg, coined the best name for it, "Operation Inigo Montoya". How did they manage to come up with such a colorful title as "Copper Green"? Does it refer to the way oxidation turns brass that old corrupt hue? No, too technical for the humanities-schooled NeoCons. Is it an attempt to scare the prisoners by making them think we had Hannibal Lecter in those cells, assuming that Iraqi corpses might give a brownish tint to his diet of Baghdad Soylent Green? No, too scary even for them.

Here's the real truth. The "green" refers to the green light for using intense methods of interrogation. And the "copper"? As always, follow the money -- and consider the age of the architects. Who benefits from this invasion and occupation? My source in his office (whom I'll call "Deep Cloaca") reports that name was chosen in honor of one of Donny's youthful comic strip role models. Just to show how modern he is, the character was a woman. She was both a seductress and a powerful industrialist, known as "The Dragon Lady of Wall Street", and was the villain in the first episode of that ultra-hawkish newspaper comic "Steve Canyon" (and made repeat appearances for years). That episode, presaging the serpentine titles of the assassins in Kill Bill, was called "Copperhead". Her name, now to be memorialized in reports of Abu Ghraib, was Copper Calhoun. (She's in her usual slinky garb in the background of this cover.) Life does imitate art. In fact, Rummy may soon hang over the Pentagon an update of that line from Horace, Halliburtona longa, vita brevis.

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