Monday, August 02, 2004


Memo to Karl R.:

You call that a July Surprise? Getting the Pakis to "capture" a second-rater like that one utterly failed to prevent The Ketchup Consort from getting a Boston baked bounce in the polls. We need something more serious to guarantee Our Noble Leader's second term. Here's a suggestion which will have to be followed quickly.

Today John Heinz-Kerry complained that the President had not called Congress back into session to implement recommendations of the 9-11 commission. Have him do it, now. The Demagogic candidates will not be there anyway, just like they've been ducking votes all year. In their absence, consider this good news from a survey of rural voters:
Those with no guns favor Kerry 51-43. For those with 1-2 guns, they favor Bush 49-44. And, for the folks who keep 3 or more guns at home, the numbers are 64 Bush, 30 Kerry.
This gives us an opportunity. While we still have a Republican majority in both houses let's ram through a bill to fight terrorism by requiring gun ownership by everyone. To ensure multiple weapons in the house, let's insist on one for each adult. It works for Switzerland, which hasn't been invaded (or had significant terrorism) in many generations. It will also have the wonderful advantage of reducing crime in two ways. The knowledge that homeowners all have guns will deter some, and the presence of those weapons will permanently end recidivism by the others. We can show how compassionate we are by providing gun stamps for the poor. Those who oppose this plan will be denounced for helping the terrorists. This November, all the newly armed voters will guarantee us four more years.

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