Ayn Clouter's Blog

REVANCHE NOIR:

Trust the French to make a Parthian shot. Though they claim the Iraq War-inspired antipathy to them in this country is fading (see Pascal Riché's "L'Amérique moins frenchie-phobe"), they still resent being bashed by our media, especially in the movies:

Hollywood choisit des Français pour incarner les méchants prétentieux (les Indestructibles, Ocean Twelve).

With the announcement of Academy Award nominees, the bloggers at A l'heure américaine have decided to seek revenge against a well-known Republican, Clint Eastwood, by uncovering the surprise ending of his newest movie about a woman boxer. They cleverly tried to protect themselves by putting up a hypocritical notice:

ATTENTION: SI VOUS NE VOULEZ PAS CONNAITRE LA FIN DE "MILLION DOLLAR BABY", NE LISEZ PAS LA NOTE SUIVANTE

This is a useless warning since it does not even appear on their permalinked post, and is also in French, thus being meaningless to most Americans. However, even the monolingual should be able to comprehend the meaning of

A la fin, Hillary Swank, paralysée après un mauvais coup dans un combat, demande à Eastwood de débrancher sa machine respiratoire.

No doubt Fabrice Rousselot would claim as the excuse for this spoiler that he is just being helpful in defending Eastwood against those awful right-wingers:

Dès lors, plusieurs groupes conservateurs et des commentateurs comme l'innénarable Rush Limbaugh attaquent Eastwood en lui reprochant de ne pas "promouvoir la culture de la vie" et de "prôner le fait qu'on se débarrasse des handicapés".

These crocodile tears for poor Clint, because his Oscar chances may be hurt by theocratic opposition to his movie as not pro-life, shouldn't fool anyone. Let me reveal the real truth. This goes beyond getting shut out of contracts in Iraq. The real reason the French hate us is not for our freedom fries, but because they lost their manhood to us years ago. Literally. When their last victorious general died in custody on Saint Helena, surgeons removed various parts of his anatomy. In 1977, an American doctor spent $3000 to buy Napoleon's penis. It is now described as "one inch long and resembling a grape." Such a small thing to provoke their envy and petty vengeance against the supporters of Our Noble Lame Duck.