Ayn Clouter's Blog

A HOUSE OF MERCHANDISE:

Is my blog, ever supportive of the morality of private profits, susceptible to financial inducements? Of course. Therefore, I am happy to endorse Joe Vecchio of Cup O'Joe to fill the new vacancy in the Papacy, having read his notice:

If and when I am elected Pope by the Catholic Church, I will take the name "George-Ringo I" and promise the following:

- To give a Papal gift of ten thousand dollars US to the owner of every website who openly endorses my nomination between now and the election

I frankly make this choice because of his renewal of the fine tradition of simony. His blogging competitor in this election notably failed to grease my palm with silver, though I do like CT Blue's free enterprise proposals for Church revenues:

Well the Church has holy water, and right now it's just giving it away. How crazy is that? My idea is to bottle it and sell it as drinking water. ...

I propose bringing back indulgences. ... I wouldn't be so tacky as to let you buy forgiveness before you sin, but afterwards, you could buy forgiveness on a subscription basis.

Unfortunately, both of these people do seem infected with the virus of American Catholic liberalism, even if they do have good ideas for improved business methods. They both say they would allow priests to marry, and even to marry each other. [“Thou art Bruce, and upon this hunk I will build my church….”]

If the Cardinals (that is, the original Electoral College) decide to limit contenders to those already wearing the red hat, I believe I have found a surprise candidate who really will support the most important and vital conservative values position of them all. That would be Marc Ouellet, the archbishop of Quebec, who

has advocated a return to Eucharistic adoration and Gregorian chant….

Never mind women in the priesthood or any of those other trivial issues; bring back that medieval music!!