Monday, August 25, 2008

Mini Mansions -- Dead-Blogging The DemoCon 

Well, you can't call it live-blogging, when their big video so far is Zombie Jimmy Carter. Of course he is appropriate to this year of House Posturing. While it was fine for Mrs. John Kerry to own homes all over the world, INOKIYAR ("it's not o. k. if you're a Republican"). So as upwardly-pretentious yuppies lose their over-mortgaged McMansions the Blue Gushies bring out this guy who builds tar paper shacks with his own hands for those who can't even get credit. Fortunately for them, most of the voters aren't old enough to remember even-odd gas days during The Malaise. Just as in the words leftians used to put into the first candidate Barry's mouth (that would be the late Goldwater), "If you can't get a house big enough to hold servants, why then find a convenient patsy who will buy a part of your back yard for an inflated price." But why risk reviving the Peanut Oil Salesman's cloying calls for Designed Dependency?

Well, I'm watching this, so I'll go on posting here and at The American Street. But if they are leading with their on-base hitters, then Pelosi and Mr. Goober are not making for a big inning tonight.

UPDATE: Carter says he was the first Pres from the deep south in a century. I'm dubious, considering LBJ and The Clenis. But later he proves it, talking about how the world is impressed to see "this boy". Yeah, that'll stir good memories, Killer Wabbit Smasher.

UPDATE: See, I told you this would be Home Sweet Home Night. Now they are showing a video of hard hats (some unconvincingly worn) putting up charity housing for Da Poor. It's the Carpenters Of The Lost Ward, bravely pushing back against the Swift Foreclosers of The Apocalypse.

UPDATE: So Santana faux-organ sounds lead us into a very tired-sounding Little Caroline -- the one who proved herself too dumb to unders

tand Darth's precedent and discover that she was herself the best Veep. Hey, sweetums, Uncle Bobby wouldn't have missed that chance. Of course, she's here to talk about her less ruthless unc, the amphibious chauffeur of the soap opera. Tenacity yields to timidity. McCarran's old aide has been reduced to an embalmed tool to accuse recent First Ladies of reviving the Phoenix Program domestically. Karma or kaka? Da utes doan care.

UPDATE: They see he may not make the next Con, so they're praising Chappacoward now. Diabetes symptoms will kick in soon. Oh, yeah, we know he's all for "national service". He'll even be the sponsor in the Senate of Rangel's carefully un-sexist new Save Our Children Act (aka "the draft", for we old farts with recall). They'll need that to the up the troop levels in Afghanistan while sending new ones into Georgia.

I'll bet you thought I meant the country of Georgia, not the state.

Ha. You wish.

UPDATE: In the stands, Joe "a Delaware corporatist" Biden applauds The Jowl From The Past, but looks really worried. He's not the only one wondering if Ted can even make it through the end of this, much less to next January. He's just as healthy as his ideas, sad to say for him. The guy who can't even carry his own state for his endorsed candidate is here for good-byes. It's all Nostalgia for Lost Causes. INOKIYAC ("if's not o. k. if your a Confederate"). As he dodders off, the planners sure better have a sharper someone soon, or ratings will crash and stay low for the rest of the week.

UPDATE: In the stands, Joe "a Delaware corporatist" Biden applauds The Jowl From The Past, but looks really worried. He's not the only one wondering if Ted can even make it through the end of this, much less to next January. He's just as healthy as his ideas, sad to say for him. The guy who can't even carry his own state for his endorsed candidate is here for good-byes. It's all Nostalgia for Lost Causes. INOKIYAC ("it's not o. k. if you're a Confederate"). As he dodders off, the planners sure better have a sharper someone soon, or ratings will crash and stay low for the rest of the week.

UPDATE: A bloody City Clerk? This just oozes Chicago Machine -- perhaps this man is not the best image of Change (TM).

UPDATE: Now we have someone who hired The One to come to Chicago as a "community organizer" for peanuts. (See how that Carter connection is still there? Oh, it's all planned like an overstuffed surrealist painting.) Indeed, Da Bruders in the erstwhile Second City were "bound and gagged, and they'd been chained to a chair", but it was the political gang running things that held the keys. Ol' Precious didn't even try to pick that lock. This reassures the remnants of Urban Demochines everywhere.

UPDATE: More walking zombies. Tom Harkin, who once screwed up the whole Presidential primary year by scaring all the serious candidates out of Iowa, introduces a Republican defector. Leach, or "Leech" as the self-proclaimed victims of imaginary usury by bankers used to call him when he chaired a committee, skipped the traces because the Cheneyistas weren't boring enough for him. Bipartisan tedium -- it's what's for dinner.

UPDATE: To introduce an unchosen veep from the Exhibitionist State, we have her offspring who is pushing for the Oborgs to sign in and get their orders from Brainiac, no doubt texting from Soros' Fortress of Solipstude. The state that sees dead people, and votes for them. Shouldn't that be considered a good sign for Mr. Beer Baroness' chance to carry Missouri?

McCasketville seems to be here to put forward the "good little kids from right next door to your very own cracker-barrel home" story for Bar and Mich, as Barb would say. Just oozing hominess. This smells like it's leading up to giving America's second African-American candidate for First Lady [yes, Mrs. Swift-boated was actually born in Africa] a blue carpet of reassurance for any rednecks still watching. Yep. Now a video with her mom priming her to be Mrs. America. I hate needles -- does insulin come in oral doses now?

UPDATE: It's worse. Now her brother is telling how she memorized every episode of the Brady Bunch. I really have to go barf and get something stronger to drink. I'll sign out on this post and start another one if I can stand it.

FINAL UPDATE: On second thought, there isn't enough left for another post, so I'll just finish this here.

Her Finally Proudness says her big brother was watching over her. I see where this is going. Eric Blair is spinning in his grave. If you want her vision of the future, picture a basketball coach making you stomp up and down the stands -- forever. "Mold our future into the shape of their ideals", indeed. Oh, that humanity was one lump of clay, that I might bake it into a chamber pot.

Now she throws a bone to She Who Must Not Be Named. Observe how she has to applaud the reference herself, to make sure the orcs get the signal to act right on camera.

Well, who expected anything but glittering trivialities, capable of being uttered at either convention? All they need from her tonight is to show she's not as exotic as the emailed gullibles believe of her and her spouse. Now He waves from a huge monitor. Stevie Wonder's gushy song of little girls plays, and one daughter is allowed to approach the screen and call "Daddy". Frank Morgan played the part in 1939. Admittedly, not as well. (Though the little ones are hams.) And it fits because Da Wiz is actually in Kansas City, with a living room full of reassuringly pale couch spuds. Everything's up to date -- about 1953. (Just before Brown versus ... oh, you know.)

And we wrap up with a very Jesusy prayer ("Let Him be our example.") Then recess until tomorrow. And now he belongs to the pundits....

And a final thought: she did her job of showing that she is just chocolate-flavored mayonnaise, nothing to be afraid of. Tomorrow it's She Who Etc.'s turn to play Battered Candidate, and tell her own identity-obsessors that He Really Does Love Them This Time.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

A Hydrant In Every Doghouse 

An AP-Yahoo! News poll found that pet owners favor McCain over Obama 42 percent to 37 percent, with dog owners particularly in McCain's corner.
Now if you're Ms. Liberal Paranoia, you won't believe me when I tell you that this isn't just a desperate effort by the AssPress to find some poll, no matter how far-fetched, that shows The Sacrifice Flyboy ahead. (It was no surprise to any of you when their designated hitwoman Nedra Pickler married Eric Conner of Fox News.) Well, Gullible, believe me this time, because this tale isn't like the one of NAFTA-nudging at the Canadian consulate. No, this is our carefully-orchestrated preliminary groundwork for expanding the franchise to more voters -- surely a goal that all leftists will support, as the Spanish Socialists showed when they called for legal recognition of simians as persons.

Who else will we give the vote to? Why to dogs, of course, all 75 million of them. They are the perfect constituents for our expanding corporate empire -- absolutely blind loyalists, they already love Big Brother, even when he kicks them. But it stops there. Even though cat "owners" -- a truly oxymoronic phrase -- still, though more narrowly, favor The Beer Baroness' Bought Boy, felines simply cannot be trusted with ballots. They are the worst possible participants for a stable society, being simultaneously individual anarchists and absolute monarchists. But dogs, they'll follow us anywhere.

As for the rest of the article, it is just gossipy filler to distract from the main point, laced with the usual irrelevant inaccurate asides, such as:
President Andrew Johnson reportedly left flour out at night for a family of mice living in the White House, though it's not clear if that counts as having a pet.
Of course it does, and he wasn't the only one to be so accommodating. Why do you think The Clenis (TM) kept those cigar tubes at his desk?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

You People Are So Superstitious.... 

Schadenfreude of the summer: watching those within the Democrat (sick) Party infected with O.D.S. (Obama Derangement Syndrome) tying themselves into Gordian Nots to justify defecting to McCrash. They've even gone so far as trumpeting imaginary videos of harridian hateshrieks. That only discredits them to the real world, not in their own denying eyes. But they are amateurs: one doesn't need to make up material, when a simple change of POV can work even better.

For instance, consider these numbers from the ever-fascinating poll cruncher FiveThirtyEight (his current projection is Obama with 312 electoral votes):
Obama's mortgage rate was 5.625 percent; the Washington Post cites databases stating that the average rate on comparable properties was 5.93 percent.

So Obama's rate was 30 basis points better than the average. However, the amount of the loan and the nature of the property are not the only factors that determine a mortgage rate. Another major consideration is the creditworthiness of the borrower. According to current rate quotes from myFICO.com, a borrower with very good credit can expect a mortgage rate about 30 basis points better than someone with pretty good credit, and a borrower with excellent credit can expect about a 50 basis point discount.
He goes on to cite information about the Senator's economic status, including "Obama had just gotten a $2.27 million book deal from Random House -- about $1 million more than the value of the mortgage," winding up saying "I would think that the Obamas were exceptionally creditworthy."

This is all intended to refute the WaPo's hatchet job about an allegedly improper discount on a home mortgage. What he doesn't mention is this:

BHO's rating should have gotten him not 30, but 50 basis points of discount. The question is not why did he get 30 points, but why didn't he get those extra 20? What dark secret must have turned up in the credit report that caused them to penalize him 20 points? When will he reveal the hidden truth by releasing his entire credit report from the lender? Just what is he trying to hide?

Ahem. See, that's how it's done, as demonstrated by numerous examples at the site of Michellibelle the Address Revealer (unlinked here forevermore). I'm sure that certain sites will have someone posting about this as soon as they can steal this spin.

Subbasement line: this tampaxtuousness in the tea room is totally titterable in that the Beer Baroness' Bought Boy isn't going to win anyway. We only set him up as the Sacrifice Flyer this year when we knew we'd lose regardless. This way we won't ever have to worry about him again. But Donkeycrats never grasp the really big picture.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Can't Hire Good Sins These Days.... 

I too was inspired by the latest Creative Market Solution Proposal run up the flag-pin pole by our Designated Sacrifice Flyboy, Senator McAbel, to contemplate other intractable irritants resolvable by Reward Posters. Fortunately, Arthur beat me to it, even if his decadent lifestyle caused him to consider less Family Friendly (TM) targets for innovation. Read his extension of the solon's remarks at Teevee Is Better Than Life!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Hey Kids! It’s A Contest! 

John McCain said Friday that the Supreme Court ruling on Guantanamo Bay detainees is "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country." –FOXNews.com
An unidentified nonspokeswoman added "It's just as bad as Brown vs. Board of Education and almost as terrible as Roe vs. Wade."

Gee, what do you think are the others in his Top Ten Terrible Turnarounds of the Benighted Nine? Put your answers in Comments. The best answer gets the entire budget surplus of McCain's fourth year in office. Judges, if needed, to be announced later, probably from somewhere overseas.

The Second Time As Farce 

A jury acquitted R. Kelly on all counts .... –AP
He will announce later today that he will spend all his fortune trying to find "the real pornographers".

Saturday, March 01, 2008

The Patient Fantasies Of The Newly Emergent, Or, Karma Comes Back For The Dog-Whistlers 

(To the tune of "Tomorrow Belongs To Me".)
The sundown towns no longer maintain their signs.
No crosses are burned on TV.
The racists reluctantly learned new lines:
An open society!

Those born since the sixties they cannot recall
The dogs and the noose in the tree.
Their elders agree to forget it all.
What could I grow up to be?

White Citizen's Councils avert not their eyes
Co-opting N.A.A.C.P.,
But my ear hears whispers to organize --
The White House was meant for me.

The Homeland Security powers will be
The tools of my wrath -- you will see
The bigots frog-marched far across the sea
For vengeance belongs to me.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Pith Of The Pendulum 

Years ago, I used to hear Birchers (more widespread then than now) talk about the evil master conspiracy trying to rule us all. They were convinced that anyone who understood would oppose those vicious schemes. I, naturally, reacted differently. If these plotters were winning so efficiently, shouldn't we try to join them and be among the winners ourselves? Hence my own political efforts, helping in their small way to rachet down control over the clueless masses.

I was reminded of this today when I read P. Z. Myers' insightful item about torture:
"I'm going to surprise some people and agree that torture is an extremely powerful tool. It's just useless for gathering information. ...

Here is all that torture is good for: inspiring fear in a population."
Exactly! That's why I've been advocating it for years. This should be added to other counterintuitive conclusions that are obvious when you look behind the rhetoric. Such as:
The purpose of war is not foreign conquest -- it is domestic political leverage.

The purpose of "elections" is not giving voice to the people -- it is stifling dissent.

The purpose of "trials" is not finding the truth -- it is changing the subject.

The purpose of common stock is not enriching investors -- it is depriving them of control.
Orwell, who was one of the last millenium's two most misunderstood satirists (Rand was the other), claimed that the object of torture is torture. No, George, that's just a symptom of psychic wear among your minions, and a sign they need to be replaced with new tools. When your inquisitors begin loving their work they lose sight of the bottom line and start engaging in overkill (or in this case, overpain).

Let the hoi polloi know that it's available -- with an occasional random victim, just to keep them worried -- but when it becomes routine it numbs the effect. To paraphrase She Who Must Not Be Named, torture should be unsafe, legal, and rare.

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