Sunday, July 18, 2004
HEARSE OF A DIFFERENT CHOLER:
President Robert Mugabe's government has banned the colour red from Zimbabwe television because it is the symbol of the opposition Movement for Democratic Change. The MDC encourages its supporters to flash football-style red cards, to tell Mr Mugabe that he is no longer wanted on Zimbabwe's political field. ...They can't fool me. This is just a petty effort by one more Marxist dictator to keep the media from reporting the results of Our Noble Leader's upcoming November landslide.
Zimbabwe Television workers, who declined to be named for fear of reprisals, confirmed the incident. A producer said they were under instructions "not to give unnecessary publicity to the opposition" by using the colour red on screen. ... The ZTV is the sole broadcaster and independent broadcasting is banned in Zimbabwe.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
THE VICTORIA'S SECRET (TM) CANDIDATE:
Dear Mein President:
All you need to win this election "big time" is remember that wisdom of Madison Avenue: SEX SCANDALS SELL. Whose hearings got more TV viewers, Oliver North the arms trader, or Clarence Thomas the video viewer? See what an accusation of erotic interests can do?
The American masses adore the very same sexual references they piously denounce. After 9-11 denizens of bars across the country were shouting, to use the current liberal euphemism, "Cheney those mother-cheneying terrorists!" This is why those photos from Abu Ghraib won't hurt us. If we'd just put the Iraqis on the rack, sure, but posing them to illustrate the Kama Sutra only arouses prurient public panting.
We applied this lesson well with The Clenis. We didn't repeat that boring method used to drive out our only Grecian Veep to make room for old "not-a-Lincoln". Instead of accusing the Arkansas Travailer of taking bribes, we tossed titillating tales of Oval Office oral orgies -- something so exotic and almost unknown in the Red States as to guarantee maximum attention out there.
This year's Democrats are also following that maxim. Why did The Ketchup Consort choose The Breck Boy as his "running mate"? You can see everytime they're together -- the hand holding, the tight whispering, the starry-eyed gazes into each other's faces. They're trying to straddle the sexual divide. Officially they oppose "modern Massachusetts monogamy", but notice that they were the only two Senators who didn't even show up to vote on it. It's not that they want people think they are actually experimenting with "sexual diversity". They just want people to wonder about it. Those poses are calculated conversation pieces.
Karl's current plan is for Bigus Dickus to simply announce later this year that his health precludes his running again. That's too dull. You could liven it up by having him taken to a hospital with "chest pains" which he got while nude in bed with his wife. We wouldn't have to say they were copulating. Let the tabloids jump to that conclusion on their own. It would produce hours of raptly watched hypocritical pontificating.
But even that doesn't go far enough. To get real drooling voyeurism and gigantic ratings, let him be carried off with those pangs from a bed he was sharing nude with another man. This would get more coverage and undercut the far rightists from calling his ticketectomy a sell-out to moderates. They'll be shouting instead to apply Leviticus 20:13, preferably with stones.
Who can we get to be discovered beside him by the ambulance crew? It should be a Log Cabin Republican, thus justifying their endorsement of you again. They'll be bragging about how far you've brought them into your administration. Let's demand that The Second Lady find one of her many "artistic" friends to serve. It's only fair for her to pay for undercutting the Homogeneous Hearth Amendment just before its defeat.
To replace your Number Two, I repeat that the most obvious choice is ME. There would be no complaints from the compulsory pregnancy caucus, as there would be with anti-life wimps like Colin or Rudy. And unlike them, I am a proven team player you know for certain will stand aside for your brother's nomination in four years. This year the press would gush all over themselves about your bold choice, reviving that old slogan "W is for Women".
But I'm willing to go still further to guarantee voters will be distracted by their inner demons instead of pondering their pocketbooks of pawn tickets. At some airport in October we'll arrange for a small accident. One of this candidate's bags will fall open before photojournalists prepared to snap shots of a collection of sex toys.
Once again, we don't have to say they are mine -- let the tabloids do that. Certain favored religious spin artists like Robertson can be prompted to denounce any attack on this discovery as leftist hypocrisy, saying she's a devout young woman (yes, I am old enough to run, thank you for asking), using Yankee ingenuity to eschew the liberal climate of singles bars and extra-marital liaisons. Of course, someone else will have to actually buy all those high-tech bedroom props for this scene, since I've never been short of willing partners myself.
For the rest of the campaign the media will talk of nothing else. Jobs? Health care? Schools? Who cares? There's a sex scandal to write about. The old saying will be proved again: If you get them arguing about the wrong question, then you don't need to worry about their answer. Four more years, then eight of Jeb, then eight of Jenna -- a little T and A is not too high a price to pay for establishing a dynasty.
Dear Mein President:
All you need to win this election "big time" is remember that wisdom of Madison Avenue: SEX SCANDALS SELL. Whose hearings got more TV viewers, Oliver North the arms trader, or Clarence Thomas the video viewer? See what an accusation of erotic interests can do?
The American masses adore the very same sexual references they piously denounce. After 9-11 denizens of bars across the country were shouting, to use the current liberal euphemism, "Cheney those mother-cheneying terrorists!" This is why those photos from Abu Ghraib won't hurt us. If we'd just put the Iraqis on the rack, sure, but posing them to illustrate the Kama Sutra only arouses prurient public panting.
We applied this lesson well with The Clenis. We didn't repeat that boring method used to drive out our only Grecian Veep to make room for old "not-a-Lincoln". Instead of accusing the Arkansas Travailer of taking bribes, we tossed titillating tales of Oval Office oral orgies -- something so exotic and almost unknown in the Red States as to guarantee maximum attention out there.
This year's Democrats are also following that maxim. Why did The Ketchup Consort choose The Breck Boy as his "running mate"? You can see everytime they're together -- the hand holding, the tight whispering, the starry-eyed gazes into each other's faces. They're trying to straddle the sexual divide. Officially they oppose "modern Massachusetts monogamy", but notice that they were the only two Senators who didn't even show up to vote on it. It's not that they want people think they are actually experimenting with "sexual diversity". They just want people to wonder about it. Those poses are calculated conversation pieces.
Karl's current plan is for Bigus Dickus to simply announce later this year that his health precludes his running again. That's too dull. You could liven it up by having him taken to a hospital with "chest pains" which he got while nude in bed with his wife. We wouldn't have to say they were copulating. Let the tabloids jump to that conclusion on their own. It would produce hours of raptly watched hypocritical pontificating.
But even that doesn't go far enough. To get real drooling voyeurism and gigantic ratings, let him be carried off with those pangs from a bed he was sharing nude with another man. This would get more coverage and undercut the far rightists from calling his ticketectomy a sell-out to moderates. They'll be shouting instead to apply Leviticus 20:13, preferably with stones.
Who can we get to be discovered beside him by the ambulance crew? It should be a Log Cabin Republican, thus justifying their endorsement of you again. They'll be bragging about how far you've brought them into your administration. Let's demand that The Second Lady find one of her many "artistic" friends to serve. It's only fair for her to pay for undercutting the Homogeneous Hearth Amendment just before its defeat.
To replace your Number Two, I repeat that the most obvious choice is ME. There would be no complaints from the compulsory pregnancy caucus, as there would be with anti-life wimps like Colin or Rudy. And unlike them, I am a proven team player you know for certain will stand aside for your brother's nomination in four years. This year the press would gush all over themselves about your bold choice, reviving that old slogan "W is for Women".
But I'm willing to go still further to guarantee voters will be distracted by their inner demons instead of pondering their pocketbooks of pawn tickets. At some airport in October we'll arrange for a small accident. One of this candidate's bags will fall open before photojournalists prepared to snap shots of a collection of sex toys.
Once again, we don't have to say they are mine -- let the tabloids do that. Certain favored religious spin artists like Robertson can be prompted to denounce any attack on this discovery as leftist hypocrisy, saying she's a devout young woman (yes, I am old enough to run, thank you for asking), using Yankee ingenuity to eschew the liberal climate of singles bars and extra-marital liaisons. Of course, someone else will have to actually buy all those high-tech bedroom props for this scene, since I've never been short of willing partners myself.
For the rest of the campaign the media will talk of nothing else. Jobs? Health care? Schools? Who cares? There's a sex scandal to write about. The old saying will be proved again: If you get them arguing about the wrong question, then you don't need to worry about their answer. Four more years, then eight of Jeb, then eight of Jenna -- a little T and A is not too high a price to pay for establishing a dynasty.
Friday, July 16, 2004
PORK BARREL IN THE SKY:
Mythical Spanish knight Don Quixote, famed for charging at windmills he mistakes for enemies, is to ride again on a cosmic mission to save the world.
The European Space Agency has given high priority to a Spanish project which aims to attack an approaching asteroid to see if it can deflect a space body that may in future be on a collision course with earth.
Two spacecraft will set out -- one named after the valiant knight of Cervantes' classic tale, the other after his long-suffering servant Sancho.
Sancho will circle the chosen asteroid while the other spacecraft -- aping its literary namesake -- smashes headlong into the target.
En esto descubrieron treinta o cuarenta molinos de viento que hay en aquel campo, y así como Don Quijote los vió, dijo a su escudero: la ventura va guiando nuestras cosas mejor de lo que acertáramos a desear; porque ves allí, amigo Sancho Panza, donde se descubren treinta o poco más desaforados gigantes con quien pienso hacer batalla, y quitarles a todos las vidas, con cuyos despojos comenzaremos a enriquecer: que esta es buena guerra, y es gran servicio de Dios quitar tan mala simiente de sobre la faz de la tierra.
¿Qué gigantes? dijo Sancho Panza.
THOUGHTLESS PHRASE OF THE DAY:
The AssPress doesn't seem to be spending enough for editors.
The AssPress doesn't seem to be spending enough for editors.
The Philippines worked Friday to meet the demands of kidnappers holding a Filipino truck driver, announcing it was withdrawing the head of its humanitarian mission in Iraq and a further 10 troops.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
KNOW THYSELF:
AWolf of alone points to this Ethical Philosophy Selector, purporting to tell whose views you are closest to. My score on this quiz was no surprise:
I tried again, out of curiosity, to see what the quiz would say if answered the way a typical fuzzy-brained liberal would. And the winner was:
AWolf of alone points to this Ethical Philosophy Selector, purporting to tell whose views you are closest to. My score on this quiz was no surprise:
Your Results:I was delighted to see the first two, at least as those two thinkers are usually pictured, and this quiz seems to follow the conventional wisdom. But that third one -- Sartre? That existentialist communist? Either this part of the quiz is nonsense, or as Rick Blaine said about the waters in Casablanca, "I was misinformed."
1. Thomas Hobbes (100%)
2. Nietzsche (92%)
3. Jean-Paul Sartre (79%)
I tried again, out of curiosity, to see what the quiz would say if answered the way a typical fuzzy-brained liberal would. And the winner was:
Your Results:She is a "philosopher of education and feminist ethics" and a former professor at Stanford, who "has raised 'a flock of kids' (10 to be exact) and stayed married to the same man for 48 years." Well, at least that tells me whose works to stay away from. This article about her does cite one point I agree with her on:
1. Nel Noddings (100%)
Academics sometimes remind her of a man psychologist Carl Jung once described: Upon hearing suspicious noises from the cellar, he rushed to the attic. Finding nothing unusual there, he assumed the grumblings were his imagination.That reminded me of a cold scalpel applied to one philosopher by cartoonist Jeff Jones in an episode of his comic Idyl. It was titled "Aristotle". A woman walking finds two large oil cans. She says "Barrels! I wonder if there's anything in them." She lifts the lid off one and says "Nothing in this one." And in the last panel she just walks away, leaving the other barrel untouched.
CAUSE FOR ACTION:
Once again the liberal parodist Mad Kane has attempted a musical defense of the Democratic ticket. Now she's trying to prop up John The Tortious with a song, to the tune of "Moon River", about the alleged virtues of plaintiff's attorneys. It starts
As a proud defender of our wonderful corporations, whose shoes we are not worthy to bear, I could not let this paean to ambulance chasers go unchallenged. Therefore I drafted one of my own, telling the true story, to the tune of "I'm On My Way" from "Paint Your Wagon". I call this "The Barratry Ballad":
Once again the liberal parodist Mad Kane has attempted a musical defense of the Democratic ticket. Now she's trying to prop up John The Tortious with a song, to the tune of "Moon River", about the alleged virtues of plaintiff's attorneys. It starts
Trial lawyersYou can find the whole leftist rant at "Ode To John Edwards" a/k/a "The Trial Lawyers Song."
Go that extra mile,
To see that all those vile
Guys pay.
As a proud defender of our wonderful corporations, whose shoes we are not worthy to bear, I could not let this paean to ambulance chasers go unchallenged. Therefore I drafted one of my own, telling the true story, to the tune of "I'm On My Way" from "Paint Your Wagon". I call this "The Barratry Ballad":
Gotta claim here.
Gotta tort.
Write your brief up
And go to court.
Who am I suing?
I don't care.
Who'll I bankrupt?
Not my problem.
All that counts
Is someone's gonna pay
Who're my clients?
Stupid fools
Who can't even
Tie their shoes.
Read directions?
That's just not their way.
Pour hot coffee
In your lap?
Come and see me.
We will slap
Suits and see what
Jurors have to say.
Lose kids to an
Unlocked gun
'Cause they thought it
Looked like fun?
My suit'll really
Make the maker's day.
Eat fast food till
You are fat.
My lawsuit will
Get back at
Those who let you
Have it your own way.
Whose fault was it?
Who's the richest?
What's their tie-in?
Cash to grab.
Is that just? I'm
Not prepared to say.
How will I win it?
Jolt the jurors.
How do I move them?
Tears and lies.
My hired experts
Do this every day.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
ART ABUSE:
Checking out appeasing French blogs on this Bastille Day, I found that Phersu has found a new way to attack Our Noble Leader, by misusing a classic painting. I've posted a copy of the overly symbol-laden picture, and explained how he performed this vile assault, at Le Mot Injuste.
Checking out appeasing French blogs on this Bastille Day, I found that Phersu has found a new way to attack Our Noble Leader, by misusing a classic painting. I've posted a copy of the overly symbol-laden picture, and explained how he performed this vile assault, at Le Mot Injuste.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
LA GUERRA DE LOS GATOS:
There's good news from south of the border.
Marta was counting on riding a burst of gushing publicity about women in politics, which she expected would follow The Ketchup Consort's selection of She Who Must Not Be Named as his Veep candidate. Unfortunately for her plans, Heinz-Kerry instead picked The Breck Boy. Yes, most Democrats said that's what they wanted, but that was only because Mrs. The Clenis refused to run. Polls consistently had rated her higher among the party serfs than anyone who was actually campaigning in the primaries. Our would-be first African-American First Lady could ignore having her own stalking horse upstaged by a refugee from a Dockers ad, but not by another woman with an eye on the throne for herself.
So if the voters reject Our Noble Leader for The Francophone Weathervane this fall, then Terry Of The Scarves will be able to look at the portrait unveiled this year in the White House, and say of her rival, in the words of Robert Browning,
There's good news from south of the border.
La primera dama de México, Marta Sahagún, anunció ayer su retirada definitiva de la carrera por la presidencia de México en 2006, después de varios meses de controversias por su excesivo protagonismo político.I warned about this Señora Defarge on March 4 in "Forget Gay Marriage -- The Consorts Are Coming!!" The Mexican First Lady's conniving to follow her husband in office was well under way. Why has she backed out just now? The answer lies in Pittsburgh.
Marta was counting on riding a burst of gushing publicity about women in politics, which she expected would follow The Ketchup Consort's selection of She Who Must Not Be Named as his Veep candidate. Unfortunately for her plans, Heinz-Kerry instead picked The Breck Boy. Yes, most Democrats said that's what they wanted, but that was only because Mrs. The Clenis refused to run. Polls consistently had rated her higher among the party serfs than anyone who was actually campaigning in the primaries. Our would-be first African-American First Lady could ignore having her own stalking horse upstaged by a refugee from a Dockers ad, but not by another woman with an eye on the throne for herself.
So if the voters reject Our Noble Leader for The Francophone Weathervane this fall, then Terry Of The Scarves will be able to look at the portrait unveiled this year in the White House, and say of her rival, in the words of Robert Browning,
Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,The death in question may be only political, but is no less real. As an added bonus, this torpedoed the ambition of another Amazon. Oh, she fired parting shots about "las acciones retrógradas, misóginas y machistas", but the party is over for Marta. No matter that he was not the one calling this shot, we all owe a quick Gracias to JFK II for sparing us from that nightmare.
Whene'er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together. There she stands
As if alive.
Monday, July 12, 2004
IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO MUZZLE A MUSE:
The usual idiots at the ACLU are incensed at the city of Portland, Maine, for requiring sidewalk painters
The usual idiots at the ACLU are incensed at the city of Portland, Maine, for requiring sidewalk painters
to obtain a $75 permit to set up an easel. "The city says it is worried about congestion, but it's a red herring," said Doug Emerson, a Portland photographer. "It's an issue of control."He's absolutely correct. One more local government has seen the wisdom of following the original source of all those philosopher's footnotes.
Plato wanted to ban artists because he believed their work was only mirror images - an appearance, but not reality and truth.That point comes from a review by Jeanette Winterson, acclaimed by liberals for her lesbian novels, which brings us to why this noble stand against the liars with paintbrushes is happening at the local level. When otherwise sound thinkers get to the national capitol, the flattering attention can easily warp their judgment. A case in point is our Second Lady. Associating with all those "artistic types" as chairman of the National Endowment for the Humanities from 1986 to 1993 got her confused about priorities.
Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife and the mother of a lesbian, said yesterday that states should have the final say over the legal status of personal relationships. That stance puts her at odds with Vice President Dick Cheney on the need for the constitutional amendment under debate in the Senate that effectively would ban gay marriage.She's obviously still following the old memo, about supporting the former Senate Majority Leader on his state's rights stand. Fortunately out there in Real America the Podunk pols ponder Plato not pundits. His real target in that passage from Chapter 10 of The Republic was not graphic artists but wordsmiths.
...we must remain firm in our conviction that hymns to the gods and praises of famous men are the only poetry which ought to be admitted into our State. For if you go beyond this and allow the honeyed muse to enter, either in epic or lyric verse, not law and the reason of mankind, which by common consent have ever been deemed best, but pleasure and pain will be the rulers in our State.Putting his prescription into practice, when some unpatriotic rebel decorated his yard with a sign reading "BUSH MUST GO!" and "Dump emperor George W",
someone complained about his sign to the Village of Great Neck. A code inspector showed up. Shortly after, a "notice of violation" arrived from the village ordering him to take the sign down....They wimped out later under pressure, but they tried to squelch such subversion. Likewise the city of Boston is showing the liberal elitists who really runs things at the grass roots.
The party designer is all lined up, the $1,000-a-head guest list is rounded out with Ben Affleck, Billy Baldwin, and Sean Astin, and the superchic Louis Boston is finalized as the setting. But there's one thing this convention bash won't be doing, and that's rocking into the night. Not in Boston.But local officials are not just blindly obedient to rules. They can exercise discretion when merely technical violations are clearly in the national interest.
The city denied its application to let the Red Hot Chili Peppers play until midnight. They have to quit at 11. And they're not the only ones being told they can't go late. Parties around the city are being turned down for requests to go into the early morning during the week of the Democratic National Convention.
Just after the dawn's early light of July Fourth, he stationed a disc jockey and a concert-size subwoofer on his glorious mountain perch overlooking Mendocino County -- and ignited a star-spangled spat. Piffero's 9 a.m. burst of patriotic words and music in Ukiah was so loud that the brave heard it in their homes several miles away, priests closed church doors so parishioners would hear their Sunday sermons, and a furious nurse named Alea Waters jumped out of bed and drove her station wagon 1,000 feet up the mountain -- where she successfully issued a citizen's arrest for disturbing the peace. ... The issue of Piffero's criminal record was settled Wednesday when District Attorney Norm Vroman decided not to file a misdemeanor disturbing-the-peace chargeIf you're going to make music, make sure it's a joyful noise in praise of Our Noble Leader. There is no such thing as a poetic license to prevaricate about the only President we've got.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
"BUT I GREW AND I BENT"
No doubt you've already read how Ray Bradbury, who wisely doesn't feel the same way about censorship of movies as he does about books, is demanding an apology from Michael Moore for ripping off the title of his best novel. Now it seems he's not the only artist upset at the Blimp With A Camera.
No doubt you've already read how Ray Bradbury, who wisely doesn't feel the same way about censorship of movies as he does about books, is demanding an apology from Michael Moore for ripping off the title of his best novel. Now it seems he's not the only artist upset at the Blimp With A Camera.
Rock legend Pete Townshend has launched a scathing attack at film-maker Michael Moore, saying he has been "bullied and slurred" by the director. ...Of course not, or it would never have been used as a theme song for a TV show by that great patriot Jerry Bruckheimer, who showed in his Profiles from the Front Line how to make a documentary that supports Our Noble Leader's preemptions.
"He says that I refused to allow him to use my song Won't Get Fooled Again in his latest film because I support the war. I have never hidden the fact that at the beginning of the war in Iraq, I was a supporter. But now I am less sure we did the right thing. ...Won't Get Fooled Again is not an unconditionally anti-war song."
...a commander readying the troops lectures on Iraq's leader: "Saddam Hussein is a criminal and a thug." Not many people would argue with this commander's assessment of the Iraqi dictator, but this statement is given right after an image showing troops in Afghanistan, implying that there is an inherent connection between the terrorist attacks of September 11 and Saddam Hussein. ...Despite the great help that story reports the Pentagon gave to the producer then, his proposed adaptation of the Jessica Lynch story didn't come off like it was first rumored:
This link was also incorrectly made by an American soldier searching a foreign ship attempting to unload in Iraq. He said, "I don't feel funny going through anyone's personal stuff. They wiped out how many people's stuff at the World Trade Center?"
The movie starts with a shot of the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World. We then see a fleet of blimps crashing into Cinderella's castle and blowing everything up. Then we hear a voiceover by Kiefer Sutherland (or some other actor with a creepy voice) telling us about how Iraq attacked America, just like it did on 9/11, and this is why we went to war with Iraq. ...But His Bruckhighness still supports our troops. He even sent some of his employees to Iraq to help.
We cut to Private Lynch (played by Anna Kournikova) lost and ALONE in her truck in the middle of the desert. As she checks her map, a wave of French and Russian soldiers come running over the dunes to attack. Behind the troops in a floating chariot pulled by robot unicorns is Saddam Hussein (played by Sir Ian McKellen). Hussein declares, while eating a baby, that the Hyper Bomb Mark IV is his and that George Washington was a child molestor. ...
CBS has announced that the United States Military has approached the team from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" to help with the search for traces of Iraq's known biological, chemical and nuclear weapons. ...L. Paul Bremer III said. "They are professional, smart, and they always get their man. And the best thing is their speed: normally it only takes them about an hour to solve the crime."Townshend must recognize true patriotism means support for the President, who was no doubt inspired in his own personal life by the songwriter's own recovery from addiction. He even let Bruckheimer use old Who songs as themes for both of his CSI shows. He saw that Jerry knows just how to help George: he just follows the script and "becomes part of the machine."
...William Peterson, who plays Gal Grissom, the head of the Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigation Unit [said] "As the CBS website proclaims, my team solves crimes from evidence most average people would never think exists. Which is quite appropriate for Iraq."
Thursday, July 08, 2004
RELIEF FOR THE WEARY:
You've probably memorized it by now: the infamous "Miranda" warning you see given to arrested criminals on all the TV cop shows. Well, here's some legal info for you. Those warnings are not to protect the wrongdoers, they are to protect the police. Once the officers read those rights, they can ask any sort of manipulative, sneaky, downright intimidating questions they want -- and they do.
Now the Supreme Court, nipping at the hand which appoints it, is saying that even terrorists have all sorts of legal rights. How long before the "Justices", having thrown off their reins, start requiring all that same legal mumbo jumbo for the Mad Bombers What Bomb At Midnight? Well, a great opportunity has arisen to preclude any worries from that front. Our soldiers and Homeland Security types can have a "query the thugs in jail" pass by giving them more than a mere Miranda warning. All they have to do is print and give out copies of a new, convenient (and cheap) text of the entire Constitution. Let them claim they don't know their rights then.
You've probably memorized it by now: the infamous "Miranda" warning you see given to arrested criminals on all the TV cop shows. Well, here's some legal info for you. Those warnings are not to protect the wrongdoers, they are to protect the police. Once the officers read those rights, they can ask any sort of manipulative, sneaky, downright intimidating questions they want -- and they do.
Now the Supreme Court, nipping at the hand which appoints it, is saying that even terrorists have all sorts of legal rights. How long before the "Justices", having thrown off their reins, start requiring all that same legal mumbo jumbo for the Mad Bombers What Bomb At Midnight? Well, a great opportunity has arisen to preclude any worries from that front. Our soldiers and Homeland Security types can have a "query the thugs in jail" pass by giving them more than a mere Miranda warning. All they have to do is print and give out copies of a new, convenient (and cheap) text of the entire Constitution. Let them claim they don't know their rights then.
A villager in the Indian Himalayas has sought recognition from President George W. Bush after copying by hand the US constitution in a book only two centimeters (three-quarters of an inch) long ... it took him 196 hours and 25 minutes to write down the US constitution in the 124-page book that weighs 2.17 grams, or three-quarters of an ounce.
PYROTECHNIC PULCHRITUDE:
Gaze in shock at a photo of the Suicide Bomber Barbie, as found at the well-named die puny humans. On June 30 I wrote in "La Sauce Pour Le Jars" about Paul Johnson's resoundingly rightist new history of art. A bête noire of his is what he calls "fashion art". He refers to Picasso, but this model has to be an even better example. It is always difficult to tell if modern "art" is intended as a joke or not. Let's hope this is one, however sick. Judge for yourself from the typical modernist jargon at this site:
Gaze in shock at a photo of the Suicide Bomber Barbie, as found at the well-named die puny humans. On June 30 I wrote in "La Sauce Pour Le Jars" about Paul Johnson's resoundingly rightist new history of art. A bête noire of his is what he calls "fashion art". He refers to Picasso, but this model has to be an even better example. It is always difficult to tell if modern "art" is intended as a joke or not. Let's hope this is one, however sick. Judge for yourself from the typical modernist jargon at this site:
Simon Tyszko's Suicide Bomber Barbie conflates Western commodification with Palestinian desperation. Religious and capitalist dogmas struggle within Barbie's idealised form, in an artwork of potent incongruity.
DON'T TRUST A CHILD WITH A LOADED SYLLOGISM:
Mealy-mouthed "moderate" Matthew Yglesias shows how a Philosophy course is a terrible thing to waste. In "Fusionism" he attacks rightists and libertarians by mockingly quoting:
Mealy-mouthed "moderate" Matthew Yglesias shows how a Philosophy course is a terrible thing to waste. In "Fusionism" he attacks rightists and libertarians by mockingly quoting:
Meyer contributed to an unfortunate tendency among conservatives toward theoretical maximalism, as in his casual reference to "the totalitarian implications of the federal school lunch program."Ignoring this absolutely correct point of Meyer's, he then tries to prove how "even-handed" and boringly "un-extreme" he is, by also bashing the left:
You sometimes catch liberals arguing that federal funding of Catholic schools is the leading edge of total social disintegration even though it's been done for decades in Canada without ill effect.Hang on there, Mattie, you're not really holding up Canada as a model? That openly collectivist icebox where socialized medicine only hangs on because it's too cold for most germs, which tries to sabotage American business by letting their subversives undercut our prescription drug prices, which was legally recognizing same-sex entanglements even before howling Howie's Vermont? Those figure skating pot smoking phonies have been in total social meltdown for years, and proved it most recently when "Voter turnout in the 2004 election was lower than in any national election since Confederation in 1867." Their experience could only be an argument against vouchers, not against opposing them. Try to think these things through next time, Mattie.
OUR SISTER WAS LOST AND IS FOUND:
Once there was a country that was very sad. All the big corporations had given up producing work of which a man or a woman could be proud, and had learned to live by manipulating the government to give them an ever larger share of the peoples' taxes.Does this dark, dreary, dystopia bring to mind any epic novels of how terrible things would be in America if all the good people just gave up? That's right, Julia, who usually just posts silly liberal propaganda at her own blog, Sisyphus Shrugged, is channelling the spirit of the late Alys Rosenbaum. Like the original, she celebrates capitalism and gives us a hero:
From the ranks of the people rose an entrepreneur whose spirit rose against this waste of human potential.But that is not the only model she uses in this tour de force. She also recalls the work of Douglas Adams:
(I'm sure the small-l libertarians would have done something about it, but they were sent off in the first ship with the phone sanitizers and the marketing consultants.)Her brave businessman proceeds to make a movie to question how bad things have become, and it happily becomes a popular success. Unfortunately, she casts this whole tale in the form of a parable, calling it "Sam Adams Shrugged: a fable of modern times". The format means that she never names the bold film maker, or the masterpiece of cinema he puts out. Well, she can't fool me. It is obvious that she can only be referring to Mel Gibson and his wonderful The Passion Of The Christ. Go read her piece for yourself, and welcome this prodigal daughter to the supporters of compassionate corporatism. Perhaps soon she'll be endorsing Our Noble Leader.
FENESTRATION IN GEORGETOWN:
When the first JFK ran for President, he still faced the rumor that had helped defeat Al Smith -- that if he won, he would build a secret tunnel from the White House to the Vatican. The next Catholic nominee of a major party, JFK The Sequel, won't have to worry about that charge, judging by the efforts coming from there to deny him communion for insufficiently supporting the fetal position of Pius IX and his successors, as opposed to those of Augustine, Aquinas, and the Church's Council of Vienne in 1312, who all held that abortion was homicide only after the fetus was "formed".
The symbolism of that hidden access to a foreign land where his real allegiance lies is still valid, however. Political Wire has pointed to an article about The Ketchup Consort's home at Washington, usurped like his bride from a late Republican colleague. This shows where his heart really will go on to:
When the first JFK ran for President, he still faced the rumor that had helped defeat Al Smith -- that if he won, he would build a secret tunnel from the White House to the Vatican. The next Catholic nominee of a major party, JFK The Sequel, won't have to worry about that charge, judging by the efforts coming from there to deny him communion for insufficiently supporting the fetal position of Pius IX and his successors, as opposed to those of Augustine, Aquinas, and the Church's Council of Vienne in 1312, who all held that abortion was homicide only after the fetus was "formed".
The symbolism of that hidden access to a foreign land where his real allegiance lies is still valid, however. Political Wire has pointed to an article about The Ketchup Consort's home at Washington, usurped like his bride from a late Republican colleague. This shows where his heart really will go on to:
The entrance to the large, landscaped garden is through French doors.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
I FOUGHT THE LAW....
So it's going to be John The Tortious as the Ketchup Consort's Veep wanna-be. Does this mean that JFK II wants still more money from the ambulance chasers? No -- he will shortly be stuck with no more for his campaign than what he can extract from the taxpayers (a trap we lured silly liberal idealists into setting up years ago). Is it to steal Southern votes by stealth? No -- polls show Johnny Eddie the animatronic Ken doll won't even carry his own state. Is it to inflame the class war with the Toothy Carolinian's "bash the corporations" rhetoric? No -- his voting record shows that to be campaign castigation uncountenanced in his actual voting record, where, like his running mate, he casts his ballot where the lobby is. It means they've decided to compose this campaign from Carteresque carping about "justice" and "rights". Expect to hear a lot about Abu Ghraib and those poor huddled asses yearning to breathe for free in Guantanamo.
Very well, we can take up the fight on that ground.
So it's going to be John The Tortious as the Ketchup Consort's Veep wanna-be. Does this mean that JFK II wants still more money from the ambulance chasers? No -- he will shortly be stuck with no more for his campaign than what he can extract from the taxpayers (a trap we lured silly liberal idealists into setting up years ago). Is it to steal Southern votes by stealth? No -- polls show Johnny Eddie the animatronic Ken doll won't even carry his own state. Is it to inflame the class war with the Toothy Carolinian's "bash the corporations" rhetoric? No -- his voting record shows that to be campaign castigation uncountenanced in his actual voting record, where, like his running mate, he casts his ballot where the lobby is. It means they've decided to compose this campaign from Carteresque carping about "justice" and "rights". Expect to hear a lot about Abu Ghraib and those poor huddled asses yearning to breathe for free in Guantanamo.
Very well, we can take up the fight on that ground.
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." --William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2.We speak only figuratively, of course, but you know what surveys show about how little people trust lawyers, so we'll brag that Our Noble Leader not only isn't an attorney, but that he showed how typical an American he was when he was rejected for law school even at his home state's University. That proves how the legal establishment saw even then that he wouldn't play their silly games, like the Supreme Court has been doing lately. Would he have ever ruled that flag burning is okay, or that sodomy couldn't be banned, or that Eve and Hillary could wed? Of course not. He probably wouldn't even have bought into that phony Swedish "sociologist's" theories and said "separate but equal" was unfair to those of the colored persuasion.
"If the law supposes that," said Mr. Bumble, "the law is an ass, a idiot." --Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist (ch. LI).Finally, we can use this against the Team Of Two Tort Tossers with the key core group of apocalyptic fundamentalists. We won't even be casting the first stone. It will just be payback for the memory of the late Saint Ronald, whose Democratic opponent in his first campaign for Governor "reminded" voters that it was an actor who killed Lincoln. We'll just put out a letter to those church membership lists we are getting now quoting a classic of American literature, Stephen Vincent Benet's "The Devil And Daniel Webster":
He was a great lawyer, Dan'l Webster, but we know who's the King of Lawyers, as the Good Book tells us, and it seemed as if, for the first time, Dan'l Webster had met his match.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
LA SAUCE POUR LE JARS:
There has been a generational shift on the right. The old ones just had nightmares about what horrors the evil liberals might impose on the country. We of the new breed actually use those fearful fantasies for sources, turning the techniques they warned leftists might use into weapons against the liberals themselves.
One great example is a novelist who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1960. (That's not a strong recommendation itself, since we know how easily old Joe Kennedy bought one for his son three years earlier.) Allen Drury showed how obsolete his attitudes were in his first book, Advise And Consent, by actually portraying a gay Senator sympathetically, something no conservative would do in this age of Santorum. His greatest mistake was assuming that authoritarian rule would come to America from the left, as shown in his Come Nineveh, Come Tyre in 1973.
That novel proved to be a treasure trove of ideas for Our Noble Leader's administration, from allowing "collaboration" between the FBI, CIA, IRS and other agencies, to setting up a new "Domestic Tranquillity Board", which promptly starts locking up subversive U.S. citizens with no recourse to the courts. I'm sure that The Rovinator and General John are both thankful to Drury for his inspiration.
Another of the newer wave who learned from old fiction is Paul Johnson. Himself a former leftist, he has become a popularizer of history, producing long tomes about the Jews, Christianity, and the U.S., all wonderful excuses to slither rightist ideas down the unsuspecting readers' throats. I've just finished his Art: A New History, clearly a labor of loathe for him, and a great example of his methods as a propagandist.
Johnson really gives the game away in his Introduction, writing "...culture wars are perhaps the cruellest and most demoralising of all wars. It is therefore essential that society defend itself against cultural breakdown." Fortunately, most will skip that and flip through the pages looking at pretty pictures. His real purpose for the book is to lure people on unsuspectingly to reading Chapter 29, "The Beginnings of Fashion Art". That's where he launches his intemperate tirade against modern art, using all the techniques he honed when editing the leftist New Statesman before coming to his senses on the road to Damascus.
We can gleefully cheer on his blood-letting ad hominems against that "fraud", Picasso, cleverly implying his work must be bad because of his personal life. Those of us familiar with the subject can only stand in awe of how he misstates facts, confuses unconnected work, and spins his own misdefinitions. Johnson's ordinary readers will have no idea how he has twisted truth for their own good, especially since he dropped any source notes and bibliography (to keep the book from becoming "prohibitively expensive and bulky").
His most intense venom is reserved, and rightly so, for the Surrealists. For just one instance, he writes that Magritte's "The Threatened Assassin (1927) ... hints that a murder is about to be committed, though not how, why, or of whom." Cleverly, this is not the example of Magritte's work which he prints a picture of. If he did, some reader might make this connection:
The best evidence of how Johnson uses techniques from old rightist nightmare fiction is his gushing praise for one American artist, whom he champions for being "optimistic" and "consoling", and, in a triumph of chutzpah, claims to display "no politics" at all, namely Norman Rockwell. One passing comment about this illustrator gives a clue to the source of Johnson's method:
There has been a generational shift on the right. The old ones just had nightmares about what horrors the evil liberals might impose on the country. We of the new breed actually use those fearful fantasies for sources, turning the techniques they warned leftists might use into weapons against the liberals themselves.
One great example is a novelist who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1960. (That's not a strong recommendation itself, since we know how easily old Joe Kennedy bought one for his son three years earlier.) Allen Drury showed how obsolete his attitudes were in his first book, Advise And Consent, by actually portraying a gay Senator sympathetically, something no conservative would do in this age of Santorum. His greatest mistake was assuming that authoritarian rule would come to America from the left, as shown in his Come Nineveh, Come Tyre in 1973.
That novel proved to be a treasure trove of ideas for Our Noble Leader's administration, from allowing "collaboration" between the FBI, CIA, IRS and other agencies, to setting up a new "Domestic Tranquillity Board", which promptly starts locking up subversive U.S. citizens with no recourse to the courts. I'm sure that The Rovinator and General John are both thankful to Drury for his inspiration.
Another of the newer wave who learned from old fiction is Paul Johnson. Himself a former leftist, he has become a popularizer of history, producing long tomes about the Jews, Christianity, and the U.S., all wonderful excuses to slither rightist ideas down the unsuspecting readers' throats. I've just finished his Art: A New History, clearly a labor of loathe for him, and a great example of his methods as a propagandist.
Johnson really gives the game away in his Introduction, writing "...culture wars are perhaps the cruellest and most demoralising of all wars. It is therefore essential that society defend itself against cultural breakdown." Fortunately, most will skip that and flip through the pages looking at pretty pictures. His real purpose for the book is to lure people on unsuspectingly to reading Chapter 29, "The Beginnings of Fashion Art". That's where he launches his intemperate tirade against modern art, using all the techniques he honed when editing the leftist New Statesman before coming to his senses on the road to Damascus.
We can gleefully cheer on his blood-letting ad hominems against that "fraud", Picasso, cleverly implying his work must be bad because of his personal life. Those of us familiar with the subject can only stand in awe of how he misstates facts, confuses unconnected work, and spins his own misdefinitions. Johnson's ordinary readers will have no idea how he has twisted truth for their own good, especially since he dropped any source notes and bibliography (to keep the book from becoming "prohibitively expensive and bulky").
His most intense venom is reserved, and rightly so, for the Surrealists. For just one instance, he writes that Magritte's "The Threatened Assassin (1927) ... hints that a murder is about to be committed, though not how, why, or of whom." Cleverly, this is not the example of Magritte's work which he prints a picture of. If he did, some reader might make this connection:
A five-part serial, "Fantomas", by the French movie-maker Louis Feuillade was the main cinematic influence on Magritte. This series of films (taken from novels of the same name) dealt with a character named Fantomas who captured the imagination of Magritte as well as many other surrealists. Fantomas was a "genius of evil ". He could commit grisly and brilliant crimes without leaving a trace. ...You can see the picture and judge Johnson's honesty and perception for yourself HERE. Liberals, preferring to believe the best of everyone, might assume that Johnson can't read French, and so is unaware of thirty-two volumes of stories about Fantomas. Go right on believing this is just sloppy work, you foolish idealists, while he goes on doing whatever it takes to win those culture wars, including noble lies. Your gullibility is why you're losing.
In another painting, The Threatened Assassin, Magritte painted another episode from Fantomas. In this painting there are five men waiting outside of a room which contains the nude corpse of a woman and an unperturbed man standing by a gramophone. Fantomas strikes again.
The best evidence of how Johnson uses techniques from old rightist nightmare fiction is his gushing praise for one American artist, whom he champions for being "optimistic" and "consoling", and, in a triumph of chutzpah, claims to display "no politics" at all, namely Norman Rockwell. One passing comment about this illustrator gives a clue to the source of Johnson's method:
His wartime industrial heroine, Rosie the Riveter, is a pastiche of a Michelangelo figure from the Sistine Ceiling....He goes on to compare him to De Hooch and Hopper. This immediately reminded me of a passage in an old rightist novel about a different art:
The Cosmo-Slotnick building, which is pure Michelangelo. ... The Prudential Bank Building, which is genuine Palladio. The Slottern Department Store, which is snitched Christopher Wren.A later passage in that famous novel about architecture attributes to an evil leftist writer the very essence of what Johnson is doing here:
Sure he's good, but suppose I didn't like him. Suppose I wanted to stop people from seeing his plays. It would do me no good whatever to tell them so. But if I sold them the idea that you're just as great as Ibsen -- pretty soon they wouldn't be able to tell the difference.Thus the former Saul of the New Statesman undercuts Dali, Ernst, and all the other modernists not just by sliming them, but by building up as an ideal the work of a trivial simplistic chauvinist of technical adequacy but no inspiration, who used his talent to sell magazines. This is a perfect example of how we on the right can profit from the imaginative fears of our fiction writers. Take the vilest approaches they try to scare us with about the left, and use those very tools ourselves. Meanwhile, pass on Johnson's cleverly concealed subject-changing doorstop to uninformed friends who would like to know something about art. He's one more useful weapon in bringing the war back home.
Monday, June 28, 2004
THE LONE STAR CIVIL WAR:
For several days The American Street has been stilled, with its bloggers unable to post more of their usual snide attacks upon Our Noble Leader. For some time, they have foolishly allowed me to post there on occasion, just to prove to the world how tolerant of diversity of opinions they are. No doubt they expect I would return the favor if I had my own domain name and web host. Silly idealists.
Today they thought they finally managed to resolve whatever bugs were glitching them up. Little did they know the truth. They need to look South to W's own home base, and, as usual, to the Good Book, in this case in Mark 6:4:
Just last month, the Libertarian Party met and nominated Michael Badnarik for President. His choice is also bad news for the incumbent, since he is likely to split off some right-wing voters disgusted by deficits and foreign crusades -- and, unlike Nadir, he will be on the ballot in virtually every state. Both the Green and Libertarian nominees were surprises. They had one other thing in common: both of them are from Texas.
Why did these unknown challengers emerge from George's own home state this year? I blame Tom Delay. Yes, his redistricting was a brilliant ploy to pick up more seats in Congress, but it stirred such fierce antagonism that it was like first use of nuclear weapons. Sadly, he did not devastate his enemies there quite enough. Not only are those Democratic lame ducks from Texas filing ethics charges against him, I believe they are the ones who secretly encouraged these nobodys from the Lone Star State. Both of them were chosen to do the maximum possible damage to the Republican national ticket in swing states. If I had to guess, I would be most suspicious of redistricted Democrat Martin Frost, who seems to see himself as the would-be Third Coast Phil Burton.
Just days ago my brilliant research uncovered this insidious liberal plot. Naturally I intended to warn those puppets at the Green convention how they were being manipulated, so that they would sever those strings and support Ralph the Trojan Horse instead, giving our plans the greatest possible help. Not knowing any Greens personally, I thought it only fitting to turn the left's "tolerance" against them, by posting this revelation on The American Street, which has a much higher lefty readership than my own site. Unfortunately, I let this plan slip out too soon. The result was a stealthy attack by liberal hackers on The Street's servers, effectively blocking new posts -- and keeping the truth hidden about the attempted Texas revenge on their past Governor, who Left No Surplus Behind for those Democrats to ever spend.
The recidivist big spenders want those tax cuts back so they can give them away to the undeserving poor, and they'll try any trick they can to beat the Bushes this fall. That included blocking The Street over the weekend. Now that they've planted another unwitting Texas stalking horse to block Nader, they've gotten out of the way, and that web site is free to go on with its predictable cat calls against the only President we've got. Well, they won this battle, but it's a long long war through November. I won't let them catch me napping again.
For several days The American Street has been stilled, with its bloggers unable to post more of their usual snide attacks upon Our Noble Leader. For some time, they have foolishly allowed me to post there on occasion, just to prove to the world how tolerant of diversity of opinions they are. No doubt they expect I would return the favor if I had my own domain name and web host. Silly idealists.
Today they thought they finally managed to resolve whatever bugs were glitching them up. Little did they know the truth. They need to look South to W's own home base, and, as usual, to the Good Book, in this case in Mark 6:4:
"A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house."Just this past weekend the Green Party held their own national convention, and chose not to endorse Ralph Nader, instead nominating David Cobb. Most liberals will see that as good news, since it will keep the Crusader against Corvairs off the ballot in many states. To we who hope to see the Preemptive Crusade expanded against the entire Axis of Medieval, that is bad news. We had been contributing to Ralphie to help his efforts, but Cobb promises (more credibly than Nay-sayer did) to only campaign in non-swing states which Bush will either win or lose big-time. This November election might be close enough for a credible left-wing alternative to The Ketchup Consort to throw it to us again -- or at least to let La Familia Scalia to close the deal.
Just last month, the Libertarian Party met and nominated Michael Badnarik for President. His choice is also bad news for the incumbent, since he is likely to split off some right-wing voters disgusted by deficits and foreign crusades -- and, unlike Nadir, he will be on the ballot in virtually every state. Both the Green and Libertarian nominees were surprises. They had one other thing in common: both of them are from Texas.
Why did these unknown challengers emerge from George's own home state this year? I blame Tom Delay. Yes, his redistricting was a brilliant ploy to pick up more seats in Congress, but it stirred such fierce antagonism that it was like first use of nuclear weapons. Sadly, he did not devastate his enemies there quite enough. Not only are those Democratic lame ducks from Texas filing ethics charges against him, I believe they are the ones who secretly encouraged these nobodys from the Lone Star State. Both of them were chosen to do the maximum possible damage to the Republican national ticket in swing states. If I had to guess, I would be most suspicious of redistricted Democrat Martin Frost, who seems to see himself as the would-be Third Coast Phil Burton.
Just days ago my brilliant research uncovered this insidious liberal plot. Naturally I intended to warn those puppets at the Green convention how they were being manipulated, so that they would sever those strings and support Ralph the Trojan Horse instead, giving our plans the greatest possible help. Not knowing any Greens personally, I thought it only fitting to turn the left's "tolerance" against them, by posting this revelation on The American Street, which has a much higher lefty readership than my own site. Unfortunately, I let this plan slip out too soon. The result was a stealthy attack by liberal hackers on The Street's servers, effectively blocking new posts -- and keeping the truth hidden about the attempted Texas revenge on their past Governor, who Left No Surplus Behind for those Democrats to ever spend.
The recidivist big spenders want those tax cuts back so they can give them away to the undeserving poor, and they'll try any trick they can to beat the Bushes this fall. That included blocking The Street over the weekend. Now that they've planted another unwitting Texas stalking horse to block Nader, they've gotten out of the way, and that web site is free to go on with its predictable cat calls against the only President we've got. Well, they won this battle, but it's a long long war through November. I won't let them catch me napping again.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
MY OWN PRIVATE DIEBOLD:
Taking an idea from skippy the bush kangaroo, I have put up a poll on my sidebar. While he merely asked, in his inadequately capitalized way, "who would be the best candidate for john kerry's vice president?", I have decided to show how serious this question is by reminding you of what will happen if John Heinz-Kerry should actually win this fall. That's right, we're already drafting impeachment articles for perjury. Isn't a lie about heaving stars as important as one about having sex? I started the ballots rolling by helpfully voting for the person who would do the second most harm to John-boy's chances, She Who Must Not Be Named. Yes, I know Sharpton would scare even more voters into sticking with Our Noble Leader, but as Christopher Walken said in one of my favorite movies, "There are some things I don't do." To paraphrase the old Republican slogan from Reconstruction years, "Vote as you scoffed."
Taking an idea from skippy the bush kangaroo, I have put up a poll on my sidebar. While he merely asked, in his inadequately capitalized way, "who would be the best candidate for john kerry's vice president?", I have decided to show how serious this question is by reminding you of what will happen if John Heinz-Kerry should actually win this fall. That's right, we're already drafting impeachment articles for perjury. Isn't a lie about heaving stars as important as one about having sex? I started the ballots rolling by helpfully voting for the person who would do the second most harm to John-boy's chances, She Who Must Not Be Named. Yes, I know Sharpton would scare even more voters into sticking with Our Noble Leader, but as Christopher Walken said in one of my favorite movies, "There are some things I don't do." To paraphrase the old Republican slogan from Reconstruction years, "Vote as you scoffed."
COOKING WITH KANE:
I've previously written how liberal Mad Kane's incessant sniping at Our Noble Leader with her song parodies has lowered her I.Q. so that she has to crib from ever simpler material. Perhaps she has given up now to turn to an even less intellectually challenging career -- game show host. She writes
I've previously written how liberal Mad Kane's incessant sniping at Our Noble Leader with her song parodies has lowered her I.Q. so that she has to crib from ever simpler material. Perhaps she has given up now to turn to an even less intellectually challenging career -- game show host. She writes
I was amused to learn about a new Bush administration goal: It wants to change the name of the Food Stamps Program (since it no longer uses stamps) and is soliciting suggestions from the public. ...the new name I've come up with is "Leave No Stomach Behind." ...as a public service, I challenge my readers to come up with some good names and post them in my comments. If I get suggestions from ten or more people, I'll even award a prize -- $10 in PayPal cash.So far I think the most vicious libels proposed there have been The Talking Dog's "Ronald Reagan Supplemental User Card Kiosk System"" -or simply "Reagan SUCKS" and someone's suggestion of "Faith based obesity prevention initiative". Go see how wildly the liberals flail over a mere pittance at "Rename the Food Stamps Program -- Contest with Prize".
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
STRANGE BARFELLOWS:
Here's the unintended consequence of filing indictments against an unknown rapist's sperm: this will give a major legal incentive to rapists to begin using condoms. This of course is prohibited by those encyclicals. Sure, the criminals are already committing one sin, but why encourage them to add another one by engaging in contraception? As for the claim that use of condoms by rapists might help prevent disease or even pregnancy, the first of those Papal ukases already covered that in typical Vaticanese prose:
I suppose it is too much to hope that at their recent meeting Our Noble Leader asked the Pope to support the ACLU position on this issue. To me it is obvious that the church should make common cause with the criminal apologists just this once. Let the leftist lawyers try to save the body of the elusive rapist from prison decades after their crime, while the priests try to preemptively lessen the darkness of the criminal's soul, sparing them the encouragement to commit still one more sin. It is a temporary marriage of convenience made, if not in heaven, then at least at the Supreme Court building.
The indictments allow cases to be kept open indefinitely, effectively circumventing the statute of limitations ... Using the John Doe DNA indictments, prosecutors bring the charges -- even when they don't know who committed the crime -- against the DNA profile from the evidence they gathered.Naturally the liberals of the ACLU are outraged, claiming the passage of time could make a fair trial impossible years later. This is just more of their usual silliness, claiming you earn a "get out of jail free card" if you can get away with a crime for fifteen years or whatever. But just this once they are actually on the side of the angels, or at least the Popes. Sadly, neither Paul VI's Humanae Vitae nor John Paul II's Evangelium Vitae foresaw such a high tech threat to their teachings.
The approach originated in Milwaukee in 1999 but has spread to counties in Texas, California, New York, and a handful of other states. Last April, Congress passed a bill allowing prosecutors to bring John Doe DNA indictments for federal sex offenses.
Here's the unintended consequence of filing indictments against an unknown rapist's sperm: this will give a major legal incentive to rapists to begin using condoms. This of course is prohibited by those encyclicals. Sure, the criminals are already committing one sin, but why encourage them to add another one by engaging in contraception? As for the claim that use of condoms by rapists might help prevent disease or even pregnancy, the first of those Papal ukases already covered that in typical Vaticanese prose:
In truth, if it is sometimes licit to tolerate a lesser evil in order to avoid a greater evil or to promote a greater good, it is not licit, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil so that good may follow therefrom, that is, to make into the object of a positive act of the will something which is intrinsically disorder, and hence unworthy of the human person, even when the intention is to safeguard or promote individual, family or social well-being.His Holiness failed to make this turgid sentence any less obscure by supporting it with a footnote reference to the eighth verse of Romans 3, a chapter which seems to argue that Jews are not worthless, because they sin just as much as Gentiles. If the relevance eludes you, allow me to paraphrase: condoms are bad, no matter what beneficial side effects they might have.
I suppose it is too much to hope that at their recent meeting Our Noble Leader asked the Pope to support the ACLU position on this issue. To me it is obvious that the church should make common cause with the criminal apologists just this once. Let the leftist lawyers try to save the body of the elusive rapist from prison decades after their crime, while the priests try to preemptively lessen the darkness of the criminal's soul, sparing them the encouragement to commit still one more sin. It is a temporary marriage of convenience made, if not in heaven, then at least at the Supreme Court building.
GUARDING OUR FLANK:
In Taxachusetts the Democratic legislators are trying a power grab. They want to pass a bill which would provide a special election for U.S. Senator if, God forbid, Kerry wins the White House and resigns. The catch is the bill would prohibit the nominal Republican Governor from appointing a temporary replacement to serve until the election. Obviously they want to avoid having their candidate face an incumbent Republican.Hypocrisy Democratic Party actually supports democracy if that interferes with their pursuit of power. Nevertheless, never let it be said that I agree with Common Cause on anything. There is a very good reason to leave this vacancy unfilled for as long as possible -- the person elected is likely to be a liberal. Even a Republican appointed by that waffler would be too far left by my standards. If I recall correctly, the last Republican Senator from that state was Edward Brooke. 'Nuff said.
In Taxachusetts the Democratic legislators are trying a power grab. They want to pass a bill which would provide a special election for U.S. Senator if, God forbid, Kerry wins the White House and resigns. The catch is the bill would prohibit the nominal Republican Governor from appointing a temporary replacement to serve until the election. Obviously they want to avoid having their candidate face an incumbent Republican.
Pamela Wilmot, executive director of Common Cause, and Secretary of State William F. Galvin, a Democrat and the state's chief election officer, also have called for lawmakers to allow the installation of a temporary senator during the special process. Both had advocated a six-month election process that would allow a wider field of candidates and accommodate federal requirements such as distributing ballots to military personnel. "I am quite sure I'll be in federal court," said Galvin, who said he anticipated civil suits to force a longer election process. "The rights of voters come ahead of parties and candidates."Never let it be said that the
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
MS. SPARTACUS:
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is not king, but a pariah condemned for his fraudulent claims of imaginary "visions". Statistically unusual eyesight is not the only quality provoking such jealous denial from the less gifted. Anything which calls into question their petty prejudices can lead to vicious personal attacks.
Consider the snarking by liberals at a colleague of mine who happens to share the same initials. When her writing disproved their foolish idea that women are more gentle and kind than men, the estrogen-challenged on the left mounted a Last Stand At Gender Gap, with cleverly Photoshopped allegations, and some notorious Boondocks cartoons, claiming that she had an Adam's apple. The implication was escalated further by Tbogg, writing of a man she had been seen dating, "Jonathan? Sweetie? Have you ever seen The Crying Game? ....Why? Oh, no reason...." It is not surprising that the guardians of feminist political correctness have displayed their usual double standard by not condemning the "sexism" of these cruel ad feminems.
Yet that helplessly beset conservative muse is in fact quite moderate. She was decried for intolerance after 9-11, when all she advocated was killing enemy leaders and forced conversion of their people. I have repeated often that her proposal, though well-intentioned, is not an adequate response. I continue to lobby for massive retaliation with thermonuclear weapons to destroy the entire Islamic world. Lately, as casualties mount in Iraq, I have been delighted to see more bloggers edging toward this idea. As this shift gathers momentum, perhaps it was inevitable that the appeasers would turn their nictitating membranes in my direction. Naturally, their first reaction was to use the same tactic against me which they tried on her.
Cleverly, they got a "moderate" to fire the first shot in this meme war. A moderate blogger is someone who has a permalink to Instapundit, but not to Little Green Footballs. In this case their designated fire-starter was Dean Esmay. On Monday he posted on his blog a damnation with faint praise of my own. Part of his thrust was to dismiss all my serious suggestions for destruction of the domestic Democratic demons as mere "satire". This reminded me of a lament by Lily Tomlin, about going to great effort to put an important statement about life onto a freeway overpass for the world to see -- and then having some fool with a spray can come along and change it to read "Buick". No, Dean, "satire" was the last dying word of Citizen Gaines. My own métier is uncomfortable truth; Diogenes of Sinope hung up his lantern when he met me.
Esmay's real agenda was in these words:
Last year someone threatened to sue the anonymous leftist blogger Atrios for libel, and to demand his real identity in legal discovery. Insty and even Misha belittled this as unwise and the litigious one relented, but not before a campaign was begun by Billmon of the Whiskey Bar against this abuse of the tort process:
Let's stand this liberal technique on its head. So leftist plotters manipulated Esmay into claiming that two or more people on the blogroll, probably male, are actually me? I suggest that everyone reading this PUBLICLY DENY THAT YOU ARE ME. Say that you're not me here in the comments, say it in the comments at Esmay's own site, and say it in a post on your own site to help spread the word. Let's overwhelm him with denials and kill this vile liberal scheme before it builds up any steam.
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is not king, but a pariah condemned for his fraudulent claims of imaginary "visions". Statistically unusual eyesight is not the only quality provoking such jealous denial from the less gifted. Anything which calls into question their petty prejudices can lead to vicious personal attacks.
Consider the snarking by liberals at a colleague of mine who happens to share the same initials. When her writing disproved their foolish idea that women are more gentle and kind than men, the estrogen-challenged on the left mounted a Last Stand At Gender Gap, with cleverly Photoshopped allegations, and some notorious Boondocks cartoons, claiming that she had an Adam's apple. The implication was escalated further by Tbogg, writing of a man she had been seen dating, "Jonathan? Sweetie? Have you ever seen The Crying Game? ....Why? Oh, no reason...." It is not surprising that the guardians of feminist political correctness have displayed their usual double standard by not condemning the "sexism" of these cruel ad feminems.
Yet that helplessly beset conservative muse is in fact quite moderate. She was decried for intolerance after 9-11, when all she advocated was killing enemy leaders and forced conversion of their people. I have repeated often that her proposal, though well-intentioned, is not an adequate response. I continue to lobby for massive retaliation with thermonuclear weapons to destroy the entire Islamic world. Lately, as casualties mount in Iraq, I have been delighted to see more bloggers edging toward this idea. As this shift gathers momentum, perhaps it was inevitable that the appeasers would turn their nictitating membranes in my direction. Naturally, their first reaction was to use the same tactic against me which they tried on her.
Cleverly, they got a "moderate" to fire the first shot in this meme war. A moderate blogger is someone who has a permalink to Instapundit, but not to Little Green Footballs. In this case their designated fire-starter was Dean Esmay. On Monday he posted on his blog a damnation with faint praise of my own. Part of his thrust was to dismiss all my serious suggestions for destruction of the domestic Democratic demons as mere "satire". This reminded me of a lament by Lily Tomlin, about going to great effort to put an important statement about life onto a freeway overpass for the world to see -- and then having some fool with a spray can come along and change it to read "Buick". No, Dean, "satire" was the last dying word of Citizen Gaines. My own métier is uncomfortable truth; Diogenes of Sinope hung up his lantern when he met me.
Esmay's real agenda was in these words:
"She" is probably a man or, more likely, two or more people. Just look to her blogroll, it'll probably be one or more of those fellows. ...the guys doing Ms. Clouter (or, really, shouldn't it be "Miss?" I'm sure "she" must be an old maid who dislikes the term "Ms.") ....So Dean claims not only that I am "one of those plural personalities", as the valet said in a classic Fred Astaire movie, but apparently have visited Denmark for surgical transformation as well. That's if we take his comments seriously, instead of as just an attempted libel by a writer jealous over missing one arm of an "X" on the 23rd chromosome. Jung would find it most fitting that it was on the 23rd day of June in 1956 that Walt Kelly depicted my reaction to this in Pogo:
Beaver: "You know who Miss Ma'm'selle Hepzibah really is? She's the lost Dauphin of France!"I shall not fall into the trap described by the late Lyndon Johnson, who said one of the best things you can do in politics is to start the rumor that your opponent copulates with swine (LBJ used cruder language, of course). He went on that you don't expect anyone to believe the story; you just want your enemy to stand up and publicly deny it. Instead, I propose to take a leaf from one of those commie activists who were only briefly silenced by the Hollywood censorship supported by Saint Ronald.
Owl: "Don't that surprise you?"
Fox: "Somehow it don't surprise me half as much as it's gonna surprise Ma'm'selle Hepzibah."
Last year someone threatened to sue the anonymous leftist blogger Atrios for libel, and to demand his real identity in legal discovery. Insty and even Misha belittled this as unwise and the litigious one relented, but not before a campaign was begun by Billmon of the Whiskey Bar against this abuse of the tort process:
So fuck you, Stalker Luskin, AND the lawyer you rode in on. Or, to paraphrase one of my favorite gladiator movies: I'm Atrios!The reference is to a film with Kirk Douglas, based on a novel by old blacklistee Howard Fast, about the slave revolt in ancient Rome. In one classic scene someone demands to know which of the slaves is Spartacus, and soon dozens of them are all claiming to be him. Likewise, dozens of bloggers were soon claiming that they were the real Atrios.
Let's stand this liberal technique on its head. So leftist plotters manipulated Esmay into claiming that two or more people on the blogroll, probably male, are actually me? I suggest that everyone reading this PUBLICLY DENY THAT YOU ARE ME. Say that you're not me here in the comments, say it in the comments at Esmay's own site, and say it in a post on your own site to help spread the word. Let's overwhelm him with denials and kill this vile liberal scheme before it builds up any steam.
