Thursday, April 29, 2004

"Les portes du séjour des morts ne prévaudront point contre elle.":
I comfort myself with those words from Matthew 16:18, because I have now been sniped at by what seems to be an actual Satanist. Who else would entitle their web log "Lucifer's Condiments"? The silly blogger, who thinks his mocking the Bible is amusing, must be another illustration of why The Evil One complained, in the first version of "Bedazzled", about his personified seven deadly assistants: "It's tough to get good Sins these days. It must be the wages." [Perhaps he should have considered outsourcing to the Philippines.]

In "Persecution Complex", the so-called "Devil You Know" wrote "We can't shake the feeling that when Ayn Clouter writes in French, she's slandering us." Au contraire. "Beelzebub's Bottle of Pepper Sauce" has made a frequent error, confusing me with someone else who has the same initials. That moderate punditress (who only advocated converting Muslim nations after invading them, rather than my own suggestion of sending them all straight to Allah with a massive "nuculur" attack) did call one of her books "Slander", but my own was titled "Libel", thus proving that I at least know how to use a dictionary, and believe in truth in labeling.

My own model has always been a woman who was herself a victim of one of the worst calumnies in literature. In his longest piece of leftist propaganda, that French socialist Victor Hugo wrote:
     C'était cette soeur Simplice qui n'avait menti de sa vie. Javert le savait, et la vénérait particulièrement à cause de cela.
     - Ma soeur, dit-il, êtes-vous seule dans cette chambre?
     Il y eut un moment affreux pendant lequel la pauvre portière se sentit défaillir.
     La soeur leva les yeux et répondit:
     - Oui.

Unlike me, Hugo, that pretentious self-exile when no one was pursuing him, lied. In the real world, the ever-honest Sister Simplice would have admitted that Jean Valjean was hiding behind the door, Javert would have thrown him back in prison, Cosette would have been pimped out on the street by that entrepreneurial innkeeper as soon as she reached menarche, and this dishonest paean to fleeing criminals would not have existed to inspire later musicals. "A song of angry men", indeed!! Let them remain mute.

While their history during the preliminaries to Gulf Preemption II might indicate some wisdom in bewaring of Franks bearing gifts, "Satan's Salt Cellar" should remember the words of Matthew 7:5, "Hypocrite, ôte premièrement la poutre de ton oeil, et alors tu verras comment ôter la paille de l'oeil de ton frere." Rather than trying to use patriotic Americans' reasonable prejudice against French language to arouse distrust of righteous writers, "The Adversary's Garlic Press" should just flee back to his master's home, where, we are reliably informed, the gates referred to in the title of this item are inscribed in a different language, one from the Coalition of the Willing: "Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'intrate."

[Remerciements to a reader who quickly pointed me to a page giving the html coding for all of those accent marks on the French words. The pain of entering these manually is one more argument against that country, but I don't wish to accidentally insult the "capitulards mangeurs de fromage", as Phersu accused me of referring to them.]

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

In his April 28 Townhall column Jonah Goldberg (and I'll link to him when he starts linking to me, thank you very much) concentrates so hard on condemning John Heinz-Kerry as a spinning weather vane that he misses how really awful the Ketchup Consort is, and fails to praise properly the virtues of Our Noble Leader. Jonah writes "But if signing up for Vietnam proves Kerry's got the right judgment to be commander-in-chief, how come Kerry believes Vietnam was a huge mistake for America? ... Well, if Vietnam was a mistake, how does it demonstrate Kerry's good judgment?"

It's worse than that. What is really shown by that would-be sequel to JFK's volunteering for Vietnam is that he was aiming at the White House that long ago, and he coldly signed up to go kill twenty foreigners even though he knew that was a "mistake", just to help his own political career. There is a word for those who intentionally kill people for their own gain when they know that is wrong. The word is "murderer". Now if John-boy would prefer to claim he changed his mind later, that just shows he really isn't steadfast in his principles. Slaughterer or sail-trimmer, either way we don't need him at the helm. But enough of that wire walking juggler; the software is already written to guarantee his loss this November, even without the October Surprise.

By contrast, the paragon of patriotism that providence (with some help from Opus Dei) placed in the Presidency in this perilous time, showed both long-range judgment and invaluable discretion. George could easily see that domestic political pressure was going to make the wimpy politicians of that time cut and run, futilely wasting the efforts of hundreds of thousands of brave draftees. Liberals praise pacifists and draft dodgers who refused to serve, but give no credit to the ingenuity required to avoid becoming a sacrificial lamb to a failed no win policy in a war they condemned from the start. Add to that his cleverness in not writing foolish letters like The Clenis, saying don't send me to die for a country you'll abandon in a few years. No, George had enough sense not to leave any paper trail while saving himself, so that he could save our country in decades to come. This is truly the kind of far-sighted thinking which is making him one of the great leaders in American history. I'm sure that by the time he passes on (probably during Jenna's Presidency) we'll have begun carving his face on the side of Olympus Mons, his interplanetary legacy to the American Empire.

The left has begun to form their usual circular firing squad to help us defeat them, now that the Democratic nomination has been decided. At The American Street Kevin Hayden, increasingly bitter because most Americans still have faith in Our Noble Leader despite what Kevin sees as ample evidence of wrongheaded foreign policy, is ranting "if the Democratic Party plans to make another nuanced approach - instead of offerring clear alternatives - the only choice after 2004 will be a new, third party forever after." We on the right welcome that attitude, just as we have helped finance the vote splitting by the Greens and Nader. If Mr. and Ms. Clenis could take advantage of that hot air baboon Perot to sneak in twice with a mere plurality, so can we.

Later in the comments on Kevin's ravings HERE, one person shows even more cluelessness about what is really going on. Selise writes "i am still going to vote for kerry this time (unless he comes out in favor of a draft)". This made me laugh enough to spew expensive imported coffee. Here's the lesson in reality I posted in response:

"Selise: Here's the bad news for you. Kerry already has come out for a draft. He just isn't calling it that, which is typical of him. Go to his campaign web site at this page: www.johnkerry.com/issues/natservice/, from which you can download a pdf document that makes it clear what he has in mind. [UPDATE: Sorry, but in my haste, I posted a link to the wrong page. The correct link is to this one: www.johnkerry.com/issues/100days/communityservice_high.html. Thanks to Andrew Cory of Punning Pundit for catching this in the Comments.] Of course it's "voluntary". No one will be "required" to serve. They just won't be allowed to graduate from high school unless they do. You know what facing this world without even a high school diploma means to job prospects for the rest of your life. If not, check out any nearby slum and ask. And it won't require military service. It allows things like "homeland security service" instead, as well as the usual option of carrying bedpans. Of course, our real motive on the right is to get more troops to promote the American Empire, but we know we're more likely to get this passed if we let a Democrat take the lead and throw in that leftist bedpan stuff. Hence Kerry's proposal, and Rangel's open support of a draft. Then we'll use the "volunteers" any way we want. You liberals are just so naive."

[Side note: once again Blogger's spellcheck is ahead of the curve, suggesting that "Nader" should really be "nadir". In-effing-deed. That's just what he is for leftist hopes, and after the election we'll give him a Presidential Medal of Freedom, just to grind their faces in it.]

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

One more thematically organized listing of blog posts has emerged, much like Carnival Of The Vanities, but this one is for older posts (from at least two months back). This version is called The Best of Me Symphony, and you can read more about it HERE, including "Note that a post does not have to be submitted by its author so readers and lurkers with or without their own weblogs may contribute." I didn't submit anything, or even know about this ongoing showcase, so I am even more flattered that someone decided to include my old sci-fi piece "Cenozoic Park" in this week's Symphony, hosted by Gary Cruse at The Owner's Manual. Strangely, he invited Homer Simpson to serve as a "cultural critic". This is rather like asking the Pope to do color commentary about bedroom toys.

Last night Kevin Hayden posted at The American Street an item called "The nation must be kinky". After comparing the unsuccessful investigations against Clinton with the many going on now of the Bush administration, he writes "Which has earned the majority of the nation's trust of Bush's leadership in foreign policy. I can only conclude the nation is tolerant of a blowjob or two but they're absolutely eager to take it up the butt, repeatedly. Who knew?" I had to reply with this comment:

"Another example of liberal hypocrisy!! While leftists condemn Our Noble Leader's support for the vitally needed Marriage For Opposites Only Amendment, when the public doesn't follow their lead on every other issue, liberals resort to "waving the lavender flag". Just because you don't like it that way doesn't make it fair to call the masses who do "kinky". Is this cruel leftist hate speech the result of frustration over not getting your way?

"For a fictional portrayal of how we really may live in the future, read Lawrence Sanders' "The Tomorrow File". This was almost his last attempt at a serious novel before the misunderstood writer resigned himself to trivial mysteries. It describes an authoritarian America, turning into a corporate state, by means such as phony attacks by terrorists spreading disease by mail. One tool they are developing is an addictive "ultimate pleasure pill" for the public, based on a theory that this works best when the masses are in a slave relationship to the government. Isn't it elitist to condemn those who want to live like dairy cattle being milked, if that is what they enjoy most?"

[Side note: Blogger's spellcheck claims that "blowjob" is incorrect, and suggests "plosive" instead. Considering the aptness of the definition of that word, perhaps everyone should go along with this. Henceforth refer to The Clenis getting "plosives" from Monica, and then after she was gone, missing her "ex-plosives". This should preclude weird search results for your web site by surfers for genuine kinkiness. Thus memes are born.]

Monday, April 26, 2004

An amused reader has written that they might send me, as a gift for my Blogaversary (which, based on my old site, is August 13), one of these items of clothing, labeled "WWAT?", for "What Would Ayn Think?". Well, it's a cute idea, if they are made in "supermodel" size (a.k.a. "anorexic"), but although the words could apply to me as well, the picture makes it clear that these refer to someone else. While neither blonde haired nor blue eyed, she did at least share my contempt for liberals. (I also disagree with the architectural taste shown in that image, preferring the Imperial Roman style favored by America's Founders for symbolic reasons. Love me, love my columns.) Perhaps this will work out like "Being There", where a character becomes a sought after political pundit because of good suits. What could come from wearing a WWAT thong?

Saturday, April 24, 2004

In Louisiana a Democratic state representative is trying to disguise his party's hedonist agenda by standing on its head that old post-Watergate liberal cliche that "the cover up was worse than the crime". He wants to make it a crime NOT to cover up. "House Bill 1626 would punish anyone caught wearing low-riding pants with a fine of as much as $500 or as many as six months in jail, or both ... [and] would ban a person from "wearing his pants below his waist and thereby exposing his skin or intimate clothing."" This has caused a split with those bleeding hearts of the ACLU, whose director displayed his typical leftist elitism by saying "I can think of a lot of workers, plumbers, who are working and expose their buttocks and the beginning of the crack of their anus."

That legislator was not the first opponent there of wardrobe malfunctions. "A Westwego councilman in 2002 ditched his attempt to bar low-riding jeans from public buildings after the city attorney reported that an ordinance regulating drawers-exposing jeans would interfere with freedom of speech ...." For those ACLU friends of criminals who consider that argument a stretch even for them, I suggest they read about an artist whose vocalizings would have been prohibited by such a law. "Joseph Pujol was a colorful Frenchman [of course] who, under the stage name "Le Petomane" (which sort of translates into 'The Fartiste'), became one of the most celebrated entertainers of the late 19th century farting his way to fame and riches ...Freud would point to a portrait of the great performer in his office and talk of how he formed some of his ideas about anal fixation from these shows." (This explains a lot about that sex-obsessed quack's cocaine-induced fantasies which passed as serious theories to generations of repressed geeks practicing "analysis".) You can read more about his "deft control over the muscles in his abdomen and sphincter in order to break wind at will, and -- most impressively -- in musical notes" at "Behind Music".

One more instance of this attempted leftist denial from "Waist Case": "In 2000, Orleans Parish Deputy Assessor Donald Smith called for a city ordinance against wearing pants "below the equator," as he described the practice at the time." While I don't recall seeing any pictures of Gisele Bundchen in slacks in her own homeland, this will still come as a great surprise to the Southern hemisphere source who pointed out this item, the Aussie blogger of Hot Buttered Death.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

KIWIS AND CRITICAL MASS: We note with very mixed emotions one of the most frightening headlines seen on the web in a long time, about New Zealand. According to "NZ nearly became French", "If things had gone differently, New Zealand could have become a French possession. English Captain James Cook in 1769 became the first European to step ashore in New Zealand, closely followed by France's Jean du Surville. ... A French settlement was created in August 1840 in Akaroa in the South Island but had it been three months earlier some historians believe it could have led to the whole of South Island being annexed by France. More recently, relations between New Zealand and France were soured by French nuclear testing in the South Pacific, which only ended in 1996. Relations reached a low point when French spies in 1985 bombed the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior in Auckland harbour, sinking it and killing one man." On the one hand, at least the French, judging by their righteously cold-blooded policy toward those bleeding hearted whale lovers, would not have followed the pacifistic NZ policy of denying the U.S. Navy the right to dock there unless we gave assurances that we were not carrying nuclear weapons -- which as a policy, we refused to do. But on the other hand, the island would have been French. It's so hard to choose, when you're rewriting history.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Liberals have been blaming the growing public perception of the Democratic nominee's "Frenchness" on conservative propaganda, as in Spinsanity's "John Kerry's French connection". This is typical hypocrisy from the left bank of the blogosphere, which openly flaunts its own Francophilia. Dohiyi Mir used a partial quote from Louis Pasteur to title one of his own posts "Le Hasard Ne Favorise Que Les Esprits Prepares". TBogg entitled a posting "Excusez notre desordre", linking approvingly to a story about a manufacturer whose labels read (in the French text required by those socialist Canadians for products imported there) "Nous sommes desoles que notre president sont un idiot. Nous n'avons par vote pour lui." (See it HERE.) The capitalization challenged skippy shows his own French taste by writing "we were all set to go see hellboy, until we found out it wasn't a remake of a jerry lewis movie."

The Ketchup Consort's liens francais are undeniable, including a cousin who is the "mayor of the French village of Saint Briac". The French themselves are openly promoting him. Pascal Riche posted a collection of Kerry posters and banners on his La course a la Maison blanche, responding to Rush Limbaugh's calling Kerry "Jean F. Cheri" with "Mais Cheri, c'est un joli nom, meme en verlan, non?" Fabrice Rousselot bragged about how the remake of JFK has contacted a French anthropologist "afin de mieux comprendre comment battre Bush en novembre" at Campagne toute (ominously called "un blog de Liberation").

As Charles Baudelaire translated Poe in La lettre volee, "Les Francais sont les premiers coupables de cette tricherie". What do they hope to gain by putting Terry's Toy (TM) in Our Noble Leader's seat? Let's look at history.

The Alien and Sedition Acts, much denounced by today's liberals, were part of the Adams administration's undeclared war with the revolutionaries in France. (Think of them as the Patriot Acts of their day.) Jefferson ended that, and even tried to help the French by imposing an embargo that hurt British trade -- and American merchants. His payback for this treachery was the Louisiana Purchase. (Yes, I know the purchase came first, but this was just to preserve "deniability" by our former Ambassador to Paris.)

Those who complain that Bush refuses to recognize the International Criminal Court just aren't thinking as far ahead as the Crawford Cowboy. Picture this case before those judges from "Old Europe". France files a suit, claiming that, like Saddam, Napoleon was an illegal dictator, who was not authorized to transfer any property belonging to the French empire at that time. The court then rules in their favor, and orders the U.S. to return to France the entire territory of the Louisiana Purchase.

Why would Kerry go along with this? What does he get out of letting Paris rip away the very heart of our continent? Look on the map at the states which this would remove from the union. Only Iowa and Minnesota voted for Gore in 2000, while all the others were loyal Bush states. Return this territory to France, and Democrats will win all the Presidential elections from here till eternity. Good Republicans need to remember just what is at stake in this year's contest, and work to defeat this Democratic Frenchman as if the future of the party depends on it.

(Some of these links were found on Phersu's posting "Kerry et les Golems ". Though praising me as "cette grande gardienne des Vraies Valeurs", the blogger did complain about my bloglisting them "parmi les gauchistes malefiques, sans aucun doute par une confusion". To quote someone from a country without a history of appeasement, "Ich widerspreche, wie nie widersprochen worden ist und bin trotzdem der Gegensatz eines neinsagenden Geistes." [From "Warum ich ein Schicksal bin".] Therefore I have created a new category on my sidebar, and Phersu will now be listed not as an "Evil Leftist", but as a "Foreign Agent".)

Friday, April 16, 2004

In a week too busy to blog, a book picked up during brief free moments both presented and solved a mystery. In The Best American Science Writing 2003, Joseph D'Agnese's "An Embarrassment of Chimpanzees" tells about the problems research labs have with over 1600 used primate test subjects. "What are we going to do with these animals? During his last weeks in office, President Clinton signed the Chimpanzee Health Improvement, Maintenance, and Protection (CHIMP) Act, which mandates a national system of sanctuaries for chimps who qualify...."

Why did the Arkansas Travailer sneak this one in among all his last minute pardons and keyboard re-engineering? Your first suspicion might be that this was a clever way to start a demonstration program for his dreams of socialized medicine. If that had been his real motive, he would have assigned this to She Who Must Not Be Named. No, the answer can be found in the account of one of these havens for survivors. "They can snack on fresh fruit and vegetables, or page languidly through Victoria's Secret catalogs. The human form enthralls great apes." Yep, 'ol Bill could just see himself gobbling bananas over Gisele Bundchen. Convinced by this that Darwin was right about his own ancestry, at least, he felt compelled to help his relatives dwell in a land of tax-supported titillation.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

If the voters want to cheer military sacrifice, let them have it. If "JFK - The Sequel" wants to brag that he was wounded, George can top that. The groundwork has already been laid. Although the dentist's records from Our Noble Leader's National Guard years were released, there is still time to "find" his orthopedist's.
Read the rest at "Digital Symbolism".

Friday, April 09, 2004

Ireland has banned divorce, birth control, and abortion. Yet the heavily Irish-American state of Taxachusetts has gone in the opposite direction. That is not due to the Anglo-Saxon settlers there. The English Puritans who settled the colony had tried to live in the Netherlands first. They gave up and went to a new land because the Dutch were so liberal they would not allow the Puritan fathers to impose their harsh religion on their own children, much less their neighbors. Here they were free to put people in the stocks for public kissing, and burn heretics, Quakers, and witches at the stake. Those were the good old days of real religious freedom.

Today the Netherlands is still one of the most extreme left wing nations on earth, yet Americans of Dutch ancestry are among the most conservative and Republican voters in this country. Likewise the Dutch settlers in South Africa were the strongest supporters of apartheid. This leads me to a theory. The people who leave a country are not typical of those who are left behind. The emigrants leave because they are unhappy with the culture in their homeland. Their self-selected departure magnifies the very traits which caused them to leave. If a bunch of anti-Castro people flee Cuba, it makes the island even more supportive of him than it was before.

If Bush goes through with his preemptive occupation of Mars, first building a staging point on the Moon, who will emigrate to those other worlds? Well paid, high-tech, military-industrial complex types, who today are very likely to vote Republican. As more of them leave, America will become more liberal. The Bush administration is clearly falling into this trap, even encouraging the creativity of free enterprise by issuing the first license for a private, reusable suborbital rocket.

As the libertarians warn, when there is private and competing space transportation, it will be cheaper and there will be more of it. Well before the end of this century, the hard core Republican voters left here will be limited to a hopeless minority of anti-technology fundamentalists. Those updated Amish on a larger scale will not be able to hold back the radical tide. How bad could it get? Senator Santorum warned us, and now the scoffing moderates can see for themselves he is right.

We already knew that the Dutch, lacking vital conservative antibodies in their politics, were the anti-Ireland, allowing not only abortion and divorce, but prostitution, pot smoking, and gay marriages. Now it turns out that a man who raped horses in the Netherlands has been allowed to go free. Why? Because they don't even have any laws banning sex with animals. Yes, there was a public outcry over this, but to prove just how far around the left-hand bend they've gone, the outcry is over "cruelty to animals". A group proposing a law to ban this gave as their reason that "sex with animals was a "violation of their physical integrity", considering that the creatures were unable to give or withhold their consent." Read it at "Netherlands may ban bestiality". Whatever happened to that wonderful time when we could just execute people for sin? If all the conservatives go to space, we'll never see those days here again. Maybe we can do it on Mars....

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

One more example of hypocrisy against conservatives has surfaced in Our Noble Leader's home state. Sam Walls, a candidate in the April Republican runoff for State Representative in Johnson County, Texas, has been denounced by "reformers" in his own party. They claim their calls for him to withdraw are not because of his views (he was endorsed by the Texas Right To Life group), but because the wealthy manufacturer of men's work clothes is fond of wearing women's clothes as well. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, filled with hubris, requires registration to read today's story, so I'll quote from it here.

"Walls dug in ... saying he would not give in to "blackmail" from opponents who are trying to use "very old, personal information" to force him out. ... "Now my opponent is using the private information in an attempt to intimate that I am a homosexual, which I am not." Walls said his family had "dealt with" the issue and he asked for forgiveness. "I apologize for any embarrassment caused to supporters by my opponent's disclosure of a small part of my personal past," he said. ...

"For ... Republican Party Chairman Jeff Judd, the photos of Walls wearing dresses and makeup were disturbing enough to ask the candidate to pull out. ... GOP Treasurer Roy Giddens Jr. ... met with Walls last week to discuss the photos and was assured there was nothing more than "cross-dressing" involved.

"And as far as Giddens is concerned, wearing earrings, a wig and high-heeled shoes does not preclude Walls from becoming an excellent state representative. "I don't have a problem with cross-dressing," Giddens said. "There are lots of them. People think J. Edgar Hoover was one of the greatest Americans that ever lived. He was a cross-dresser.""

But the snarky leftists always denounced Hoover too. Only rightists get attacked for their personal idiosyncracies, while those of Democrats are "irrelevant private matters". The left has the gall to claim they apply this double standard only to expose the hypocrisy of conservatives. For all we know, The Clenis might have been wearing that dress of Monica's himself, but there was not a hint in the liberal media about his "alternative lifestyle".

Saturday, April 03, 2004

From the musical "Paint Your Bandwagon", to be sung from an undisclosed location, a song beginning:
"In our red states we use a name for lie, for mock, and for snark.
A snark's TBogg, a mock's Mad Kane. We call a lie Rich-ard Clarke."
Read it all at "Liberalism Lowers Your I.Q.".

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